Wilson Love

Surprise Surprise

2012-01-25T20:24:00.001-07:00

TWO be continued.....

This too shall pass

2012-01-23T22:19:00.002-07:00

This past Saturday night... Everything was going pretty well. We decided to give the NG tube another shot. After some Zofran and Adavan, the nurses got it in place and Tenley didn't even throw up. I was feeling confident this time would be better.

Tenley taking our picture saying cheese!

After an evening of snacking on sour patch kids and watching Princess and the Frog, I got her bottle and was ready to put her to bed. She drank most of it and didn't get an upset stomach. So far so good! The nurse was great and had explained how they would do things differently from the night before to avoid our previous problems. - They were going to start the feed at an even slower rate and not boost it up more than once throughout the night.

One little glich... as the nurse tried to pull back some sort of stomach fluid from the tube, just air came back. After pushing some air back in, she was pretty sure it was in the right spot because of a bubble noise that came right after from Tenley's stomach.

Fast forward to 12:30 am.

I woke up to Tenley gagging and the nurse wrestling with her. I jumped up and yelled, "What is going on!!" I couldn't even hear what the nurse was trying to say because Tenley was such a wreck. The tube was out, there was throw up everywhere, and I finally lost it.

LOST IT!!!!

I started crying and yelling saying I was so done with all of this!! No more torturing my child! I have had ENOUGH! They were trying to get the tube in once more, and the throwing up continued, so much so Tenley couldn't even catch her breath. It was beyond awful. I was bawling and yelled, why are you ruining everything! I just fed her a bottle before she fell asleep, an 8 ounce bottle of milk! You people keep sticking S#%* down her throat and making this impossible!!!!!!!!

I have never freaked out at a nurse through this whole ordeal. Not once. I hardly even cry in front of them.

They told me I had every right to have them stop and not insert the tube. I grabbed Tenley and she could not calm down. She was so tired and upset and was hitting and scratching me and screaming her lungs out. I cried right along with her. The nurses cleaned up the mess, and I somehow got Tenley's pajamas off, held her in a blanket, and after another dose of Adavan, she calmed down and fell fast asleep.

I couldn't stop crying. The nurse came back in and sat down by me in the dark. She took off her mask and told me how sorry she was... that this was all her fault and it should not have happened. She said she had tried to pull back fluid to be sure the tube was in the right place before starting the feed, and still nothing came up. This made her unsure to start the feed, and decided to try and move the tube a bit. Well once she tried that it made Tenley gag and wake up. No wonder she was so upset. What a horrible way to be woken up!

We talked for a long time, and she listened to me cry and tell her all my worries and frustrations. She sat there patiently listening, agreeing, understanding... and it felt so nice to let it all out.

The rest of that night went smoothly. The nurse hardly came in, and never bothered Tenley or woke her again. Tenley stayed asleep until 10 the next morning, with only her diaper and a blanket on.

I woke up and knew that I had to stand my ground and not let that tube go down Tenley's throat ever again. At least not now, not this round.

I went out and bought every snack food she has ever liked. I was determined to get her to eat on her own. After a little break, I went back and she was in a much better mood. Hoping she had forgotten the night before, I started to offer her the different snacks. We didn't have much luck. After a couple of hours passed, she was acting pretty tired, and I could tell her head was getting warm. Sure enough a fever was coming.

One problem to the next.

Stay strong I thought, this is to be expected. Fevers are almost a given at this stage. After some tylenol and starting antibiotics, it was starting to go down. My sister in law came to stay the night so I could have a break. I needed it badly. I headed out and the nurse made sure she had my number in case she needed to get a hold of me.

At 1:00 am my phone rang. It said Primary Children's. My heart seemed to stop as I answered. The nurse said right away that Tenley was fine. She just wanted to tell me her fever had spiked and was at 104.5. She went on to tell me her vitals were all good and steady, and her heart rate was a little high, but there wasn't anything I needed to worry about. She was watching her carefully and started her on another antibitic (that's three now)

How the heck was I suppose to sleep now? I called Robbie in tears. I asked him to pray over the phone. I was spent, and my heart felt heavy. Then I called my sister and she told me I had to get some rest, and to trust the nurses and know that they were doing everything they could and if I needed to go there, they would let me know.

I prayed my heart out... prayed I could rest and know that angels were with my little girl. Comforting and protecting her. My mind was at battle with my heart. I let my heart win and finally drifted off to sleep.

I only woke up a couple of times, and at 7am, the nurse called to tell me the fever was still lingering, but not quite as high. She reassured me that all was well, and her vitals were all still solid. She told me the plan for the day. Tenley's platelets had dropped down to 10. Yes, that's it... a normal platelet count would be somewhere around 150-400. Also, her potassium was running low.

I got to the hospital around 9, and Tenley definitely had some tired eyes. As I picked her up, I could tell she was still pretty warm. They gave her a fluid bolus that adds a lot of electrolytes, fluids, and helps her vascular system.

feeling yucky

We had a very easy going afternoon. A lot of snuggling, and cat naps. The fever never going under 100.

She's also had a lot of diarrea. Not your normal poop... it is insanely stinky. Everytime she'd rest her little eyes, it would seem like I'd have to change her diaper right after. Finally around 2:30 she fell asleep and had a nice long nap. She needed it. This evening she was starting to get her personality back. Her temp is slowly going down, and she is taking a few little bites of crackers.
Every little bite counts.

Dr. Wright came by earlier in the day and said, "let's go ahead and start her on TPN." She was very easy going about the idea, and understood that the tube was not an option at this point. I am so thankful for doctors who listen to me, and that keep a positive attitude. I feel a lot of comfort knowing they are pleased with how well Tenley has done.

not in the best mood... watching Lion King

These are all the medications and fluids going to her central line

A lot of machines at work tonight!

To give you an idea of what happens after receiving chemotherapy, these are what Tenley's counts are today...

White Blood Count 0.7 (normal 6.0-17.0)

Hematocrit 28.8 (normal 34.0-40.0)

Platelets 10 (normal 150-400)

ANC 100 (normal 1500-8500)

(Soon this number will be 0. This is her nutrifill count. It stays at 0 for at least a week.)

Once she shows signs of her counts recovering, we get to have our next break at home.

For now, we wait out the storm, but as always... this too shall pass.

Running the race

2012-01-21T18:17:00.003-07:00

I've never run a marathon, but I have run some pretty tough races.

The one I'm in now is no exception. It is by far the hardest race I've ever been in.

Right now I feel like I'm not quite close to the end, but have made it past the half way mark.
Still at a point where quitting is possible, but haven't yet received the exhilaration of knowing the end is in sight.

Each race I've ran in, I have never quit. Never given up. No matter how badly my knees are aching... trembling... and at some points, not even bending. I managed to see it through to the end.

My knees are aching now, and if I stop I know they will become even more painful and it will be impossible to start running again.

Yesterday was a long hard day.
I woke up with Tenley and we got our day going by ordering some breakfast and turning on Disney Junior. Our nurse came in, one we've never had... but I could tell she was going to be great. I could tell just by Tenley's coloring that she would probably be getting some blood. Her hematocrit had been getting pretty low, and when that's really low, red blood cells are in need. We also had to change her dressing over her central line. It was coming up on the bottom, so it needed to be replaced asap.

Tenley was doing really well and hardly cried when we started taking off the old dressing, but then she decided she was getting sick of it and started to scream and yell. That turned into her coughing... then gagging... then throwing up. All while her chest was exposed. Thankfully I had her head tilted away and we rang in another nurse to help us. We got the job done, but this was just the beginning...

After the food came, Tenley was back to feeling happy and we began eating. I ordered one of my kids favorites, "sparkly toast." We named cinnamon sugar toast this when Taryn was little. Tenley ate two whole slices of the stuff! Yes, I was so happy. She has been on a calorie count for the past few days. Knowing her counts were heading down, and her appetite would be as well, the nutritionist asked us to write down every little bite she takes. So this was big success.

That cute nurse came back in with the stuff that makes my anxiety rise.
Oral meds.
Tenley HATES taking them and fights with all her might to spit them right out.

After I squeezed her cheeks, and the nurse put the syringe full of medicine in... Tenley started coughing, then gagging, and it all came right back out, with the sparkly toast.

Our morning was shortly turning into a very barfy one.
The nurse practitioner and the nutritionist came in and we talked about Tenley's appetite. After tracking her calories, she was only getting 1/4th of what she needed. So, they brought up the option of an NG tube. (feeding tube) - Now, I know my Tenley, and she has a lot of fight in her. This idea of a tube being there on her face wasn't something I thought would go well with her.

We tried one day last round to do the NG tube just to get her oral meds in, and it was very traumatic. I can usually deal with the screaming fits and holding her down, but that was one time I had to turn away and just cry. It was awful.

So of course this idea was not one that I liked. The type of nutrition they have supplemented her with before is called TPN. It runs through her central line into her blood stream, which is harder on her system and can cause liver problems. The doctors and nurses all prefer the NG tubes because it's a more natural form of receiving nutrition, straight into her tummy, and has less risks for infection.

So why the need to change??
Well, the last two rounds of chemo Tenley has had mouth sores that go all the way down her throat and stomach. Shoving a tube down there would have been 100 times worse. So far this round there have been no signs of mouth sores, just a weak appetite. So the benefits of the NG tube seemed to outweigh the TPN.

All of this talk was too much for me to handle. The nutritionist said they could wait until later to place the tube. My mom came up and brought Taryn. Hearing Taryn's voice made Tenley perk right up. Even with the low energy of needing blood, and her yucky morning, she gave Taryn a huge smile. They snuggled right up together and it was a priceless moment. Tenley's blood was ready and they hooked it all up. Immediately I could see her coloring come back and her energy rise.

These moments are what keep me running.

After eating some lunch, and the girls getting some ice cream cones, I told Taryn it was time for us to head out and that grandma would stay with Tenley. Well apparently Taryn had a different plan in mind... She ended up screaming the entire way out of the hospital. The kind of screaming that brings everyone to a halt.
I couldn't believe her freak out. As soon as we got outside, I grabbed her cone and threw it telling her naughty girls that throw fits like that do not get ice cream! After dragging her flailing screaming body to the car, I started bawling and told her she couldn't act that way. We both cried together and after a few minutes, we got over ourselves and she said she was so sorry and would be nice and really really wanted her ice cream.

So, after feeling like the the worst mom ever, I went back inside and got her a new one.

I called Kim and told her this day was getting more and more insane. She told me to come right over and at least let her have Taryn for awhile so I could go home and rest/shower.
After complaining all about my crazy life, and letting the kids get settled watching a movie, we decided to touch up my super dark rooted hair. It was just what I needed. Who needs a shower when they can get their hair beautified instead?

I was feeling so much better. The kids were having so much fun playing together. We snacked and gabbed while my foils were cooking on my head, then ate delicious brownies, and gabbed some more. For a bit, life felt normal again.
As Taryn and I left, I felt rejuvenated and ready for what the night might bring. We drove back up to the hospital to switch off with my mom. As we made our way down the hall I could hear Tenley screaming. They were putting in the tube. I rushed Taryn over to play in the toy area, and ran to the room to be there for my baby. They were just finishing up getting the tube in place and thankfully it all went pretty well. They had given her Adavan, which is similar to Benadryl in making her drowsy and forgetful, but that did not stop her from gagging over and over again until she finally threw up. Imagine this tube running down the back of your throat. Just thinking about it makes me feel gaggy. The gagging came and went for the next hour, which the nurse said was to be expected.

Taryn was so concerned for her sister. We explained what the tube was for, and how it would help Tenley grow and get her medicine. After my Mom and Taryn left, (this time without all the drama) we got settled and watched some shows, read books, and played. Tenley seemed content, and was playing her little laundry game, helping me fold and unfold her blankets. Finally after 8:00, it was time to start her nutrition, and see how well she handles it.

Because this tube is going into her stomach, which is not a sterile area, it is pretty easy to hook it all up. No alcohol wipes... no gloves... just hook the two tubes together and it's set. They set the rate very very slow to start. If it goes too quickly, the gagging and throwing up issue starts again. Throughout the night they planned to up it in small increments.

At 10:00 we were all ready for bed. I started rocking Tenley and she kept pointing to her bottle. I had the nurse get her some milk and after she drank half of it, she pointed to the crib. I started to lay her down, and just then she threw up. A ton. Everywhere.

It was a huge mess, and the tube they had put in just hours before had come right out. She was so overly tired, and all of this was just too much for her to deal with.
I can soooo relate.

After she threw a major fit, and did NOT want me to change her clothes, her bedding, or her pillow, I finally gave in and she slept in most of that mess. I am not even kidding. She was asleep, and I was exhausted from the day. I realized I never even had anything to eat for dinner. After talking and crying to Robbie, I called Kim yet again, and she was out with our friend Tiffany. They came up from Fort Union and brought me a burger and fries from In 'n Out.

Again, a lifesaving moment. More tears came as they arrived, and laughter followed soon after. I made my way back to the stinky barf room, and couldn't have fallen asleep any faster.

Today we woke up to a new day. The rest of the night went well, thankfully, and I felt like the worst was over. After an easy going morning, the throwing up started again.

Not again I thought.... what is the point of this tube that is suppose to give her the nutrition she needs, if she is just going to throw up constantly!? I have been on the fence all day with how to handle this situation. On one hand, I just want to say, "No more! We are done with this tube, and it is just not working!" But on the other hand, I want to do everything possible to keep her from becoming weak and make sure she receives the nutrition she needs.

Who knew these would be the worries I would have. I want the worries of wondering what to make for dinner tonight, and which laundry detergent is best. Those are suppose to be the normal mom day to day worries.

But for now, I have to keep up the pace and lengthen my stride. We will get to that finish line soon, Tenley by my side.... and when that finish line comes into view, nothing will hold us back from sprinting across it.

Our Everyday

2012-01-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

http://vimeo.com/35180740

(click on above link)

This is a glimpse of our everyday. Amy came up and we captured the little things that go on around the hospital. As crazy as this time is, we are making the most of every "Brand New Day"!

Enjoy!!!

Consider the sweet tender children

2012-01-15T14:46:00.003-07:00

"The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace" - Exodus 14:14

This is one of my favorite songs. It was sung by one of our relatives at my Dad's funeral. It holds a tender place in my heart... today I heard it driving up to Primary's to pick up Robbie. I never payed much attention to this verse, but it really hit me today and made me very teary.

Still does.

"Consider the sweet, tender children

Who must suffer on this earth.

The pains of all of them He carried

From the day of His birth."

I loved hearing this in Conference this past Fall. That was only 3 weeks before Tenley was diagnosed. I can't describe how grateful I am for this Gospel and all the peace and comfort it brings to me. I can't imagine going through this life without it.

"And He will heal those who trust Him,

And make their hearts as gold."

The days are long, but the years are short

2012-01-11T23:57:00.001-07:00

It's been too long since I've updated about little Tenley.

Well, we had an awesome two weeks at home. It was so great and easy going... nothing to hook up to her central line, just a couple of oral meds a day. Yep, that I can handle.

We did have one little blip... that central line of hers started to act up yet again. This time our home health nurse (oh, we found one that we love!) caught it before it actually had a break, he saw that it was weak in one spot... so we made the trip to Primary's and got it all taken care of by the I.V. team. I am learning through trial and error what works best for us...

Dylan the home health nurse and I.V. team are on our good side.

I was so worried Tenley was going to get a fever at home. Taryn caught a bug and had a yucky runny nose with a cough and a fever the second day after Tenley was home... so I thought for sure we'd be heading right back to Primary's once Tenley caught the bug.

She did catch it, but never once had a fever. It was a miracle. Really it was! Her nose was a mess, and the cough was full of phlegm, but the fevers never hit her like they did Taryn.

...until yesterday....

Yesterday we were admitted to start round 3. The day started off with a visit to the clinic and then to the RTU for her bone marrow aspirate and lumbar puncture. These procedures are done after every round once her counts have reached a certain number to check and make sure she is still in remission.

- which means there are no signs of any cancer cells from what they can see -

Everything went nice and smoothly, she came out of anesthesia just fine, and we made our way up to our room in ICS, which happens to be the same one we had last round.

My mom and Lisa helped bring everything in and put things away. Then Tenley decided she was tired and I rocked her to sleep. She would not let me lay her down in the crib. "So we are back to this little game?" is what I thought, but I figured she knew where we were and wasn't going to let me set her down anywhere... not quite yet.

After a short nap (for both of us) I woke up realizing I had been drooling on her head... oops! Then I put a movie on for her while I kept working on hanging things up in her room. After awhile I realized she was being pretty quiet and looked pretty tired and worn out. I decided the room could wait, and I needed to keep holding my baby. When I picked her up she was burning hot. I called the nurse in and sure enough she had a fever.

To consider a temp a fever there, it has to be at least 100.4. They check everything in celcius. So 100.4 would be 38.

She was 38.7

After waiting for blood cultures to be drawn (which they do everytime they get a fever to check for any infection that could be growing) and Tylenol to be ordered, I felt like she was getting even hotter.

Sure enough, I was right. The nurse checked her temp again and it was 40.2
Bad bews... I knew that was a bad number.

For us farenheit people that is 105.4

I was in a total panic! How do we get it down!!! We had already given Tenley the tylenol about ten minutes before, so we got out ice packs and cold cloths to put on her head and body.

She felt like a fire in my arms, and I really was a mess stressing over all her little body has gone through and is about to go through. Thankfully the nurse that was taking care of us is one of my favorites and I trust her completely. She has worked there for over ten years and she is the real deal. She kept telling me that all of Tenley's vitals were good. Her blood pressure, oxygen, and everything else was looking good, so panicking wasn't neccessary.

After 20 minutes or so we checked her temp again, and it was down to 39.1

I felt like I could breathe again.

It jumped up a little and then would go back down, and until she fell asleep around 11 that was how our evening went. Me holding her with ice packs and damp cloths, praying that this would subside, and not cause us any more problems throughout the night.

My Aunt and Uncle came along with their daughter and her husband. My Uncle gave Tenley as well as myself blessings. I prayed that I would have faith in his words and let the power of the preisthood take over and work it's miracles.

Finally at midnight, after we had both fallen asleep in our own beds, her temp was back to normal.
I am so thankful we were there... already admitted to the hospital. If a fever ever does occur at home, and if it lasts at least an hour, we have to bring Tenley in immediately. So to have already been there was such a blessing.

And to have an around the clock nurse that was so on guard and prepared to come in and check on Tenley every two hours, making sure she was doing well, checking her temp regularly, but also letting her get some good sleep. It was a huge relief to me. I felt like I could actually fall asleep.

and sleep we did....

So that was day 1 of round 3.

Round three actually begins tomorrow with the first dose of chemo. It will last 5 days and Tenley will be receiving a much higher dose of a drug called ARA-C. The last two rounds she has been given this same drug, but it has been increased to more than 4x it's strength for this round.

Today was less stressful, and Tenley kept a normal temp... but I could tell the area where they did her BMA/LP from yesterday was painful to her. She did not want to walk, and if she did, she was hunched over and only took a few steps. Seeing her walk in pain brought back a flood of feelings from her being diagnosed. Anxiety rushed over me as those early days and thoughts came back. Such an awful feeling....

I am so glad we are halfway done. I never want to relive those first few days of fear, worry, and heartache that came with it.

We have made it this far, and will continue to fight... this I know. Once again, Tenley is my hero and I will forever be cheering her on. These days may feel long and seem to never end, but the years of young children pass too quickly and I will not let myself take them for granted.

She is here, and that is all that matters today....

(my pictures aren't moving to the right spots... so they get to all hang out here at the bottom!)

getting ready to go get her line all fixed!

waiting... and more waiting...

this is the blip I was talking about.

All fixed!

waiting in clinic

our home yet again for the next few weeks...

This is how awful it would be without all our wall art!!

BORING

- I'll post more pics, but it's late and I am T.I.R.E.D!!-

I love chick-fil-a so much I am blogging about it!

2012-01-05T21:13:00.001-07:00

Yep it is true! I am passionate about this place. Especially the new one located in Murray down the street from Target. Those two places are my home away from home away from home - ya know... target/chick-fil-a... then my Mom's.... then Reno. Home, Home, and Home.

Today just reaffirmed my love for this place.

Normally Taryn and I meet up with Kim and her kids.

Today it was just me and Tar. We walked inside and immediately she started whining saying she wanted to hangabur (hamburger). This was after the crying plea she gave about wanting to go to chick-fil-a!

I tried explaining to her that they only have chicken nuggets for the kids and that's why it has the name CHICK in it. Finally she decided she'd have the chicken strips. We all love their special dipping sauce (and when I say "all" I mean me, Taryn, my mom, Lisa, Kim, and anyone else that has ever tired it) So that's what I asked for....

Once we sat down, and had our food brought out to us, Taryn yet again started to whine saying she couldn't start eating yet. After repeatedly asking her why she finally told me, "Because Kim isn't here yet with Ava and Gage and Vivi!"

Oh boy...

I told her they weren't coming and we hadn't called them to ask if they could come. So I pretended to call on my phone and see if they could meet us and then told Taryn they were taking naps.

More crying came and I tried to just let her calm down on her own, then after a minute I asked if she still wanted to try her chicken strips... well, I had to break them up into nugget sizes for her to give them a chance. She still was bummed about her friends not coming, so I told her we could go pick a new dipping sauce if she wanted, and if she turned her frown upside down she could trade her toy in for an ice cream cone.

Thankfully the drama ended and we had fun eating our yummy chicken and giggling about funny shadows we were making.

All the while, I noticed a 40 something year old guy kind of glancing our way and smiling when we went to make the sauce change... Not in a creepy way, just a... ya I've been there kind of way.

A few minutes later he came over to our table and nervously said, I have to tell you something... I was really impressed with how well you handled your daughter when she was upset. There are so many parents that just yell back and get extremely frustrated with their kids and it's uncomfortable to watch. It was so nice to see you take your time and be understanding. I can tell you are a very loving and good Mom.

Wow... made my day!
Actually I think that comment will forever make me grateful to be a Mom. I am FAR from being perfect, and I know this whole parenting thing does not come with any kind of handbook, but to have a moment like that, it's reassuring to hear that I'm doing an ok job.

Now if you are not a chick-fil-a lover... let me give you some other reasons why you should become one.

1. The customer service is top notch. Seriously, they train those employees to really help the customer first and always. Before Tenley was diagnosed and we were eating there after an afternoon at Gardner Village... I had my hands full trying to carry Tenley and our tray and making sure Taryn wasn't running out of sight. One of the employees grabbed my tray, asked what other items I needed, got us to a table and even got the highchair!

2. Oh, one of my favorite things... they place these plastic sticky placemats on the table for your kids to set their food on. Genius!! No ghetto McDonald's napkin to set fries on here!

3. They always bring your food out to your table if it wasn't ready right when you ordered it... and then without fail they always ask if there is anything else they can get for you or help you with.

4. The peppermint shake. 'nough said.

5. The play area for the kids is perfect in every way. You know they were thinking straight when they kept it a "kids only" type thing. No tables or chairs to make the parents sit in torture to eat a meal or sip a diet coke while sniffing stinky socks and skid marks. Nah-Uh!

6. Plus it doesn't smell like your typical play place. I had to go in and help Taryn get her socks on and I was thoroughly impressed. Just enough space for some climbing, a slide, and a whole little toddler area where they won't get whacked in the head. Oh, and it's all glass walls, so you can always keep an eye on your kids without hearing all the crazy loudness that goes on! Love It!

7. Today I noticed it was actually peaceful there. The music playing throughout was just piano music. Soft and mellow. - wow does that make me old? Whatever, I'm all about peacefulness right now.

8. Oh, and the food there is sooooo good. Like really, I crave those chicken strips. The fries are different, and I like that. For some reason the waffle shape makes them seem less greasy and more healthy? Yes, they have healthy fries.

9. Another great find today.... they have someone come in and do a craft for the kids every other Thursday from 2-3! Really? No, Really!!! I'm Serious!!! This lady came up to me and said, when your daughter is done with her meal, she can come make a mini marshmallow snowman if she'd like.
At first I was thinking, is this like a birthday party and they are using my Mom's trick?? But then she said they come every other week. Whoa! Now I really wish Kim had been there... more time for us to be free from children!

10.....

All in all... I love chick-fil-a. We left in good moods, spirits lifted, an ice cream cone for Taryn, a peppermint shake for me, and a snowman made out of mini marshmallows.

I believe in Santa

2012-01-03T22:51:00.002-07:00

This Christmas of course was different than years past.
It was special in it's own way.

It was hard for me to decide on what to do for the special day. I didn't want to weaken the excitement for Taryn.... she is very much aware of Santa and his elves. I also didn't want to miss seeing her face Christmas morning as she walked into the same living room I did for so many years...
I can still remember the butterflies raging in my chest and squealing with excitement.

Robbie and I both wanted to be with her on Christmas morning, and thankfully my mother in law offered to stay Christmas eve with Tenley so we could.

Let me tell ya, Santa did not disappoint.

And by Santa... I mean, the real jolly old St. Nicholas.
You know who you are...

A few days before Christmas we received packages from people we had never met, they work for a company that does a sub for santa to a specific family every year. We were the chosen ones. The gal that shared our story came by the house a few weeks prior to give us some gift cards and make us aware of how much our story had impacted her fellow employees. I feel so thankful to them and the heartfelt gifts that were sent our way.

Another surprise was left a couple days early... one night the doorbell rang and we found a large black garbage sack waiting on the porch with a big red bow and note saying,

To: Tenley and Taryn

From: Santa.

I didn't want to spoil any surprise inside, so we kept the bag as it was until Christmas morning came.

Another night in the hospital a cute pink (large) basket of gifts was given to us by an anonymous friend with a note that read, "you do not know us, but we know you... we want you to know how many lives you are changing... Merry Christmas." There was also an envelope with a great amount of cash. I still have no idea who sent this amazing gift our way.

My very favorite gift was this painting of my girls watching the floating lanterns from Tangled.

I absolutely love it.

There have been many other amazing anonymous gifts and envelopes with cash from secret Santa's.

Each one I feel an enormous amount of gratitude towards.

The only way I can think of thanking them is by paying it forward. I want to change someones Christmas season for the better. I want to make them feel Merry and Bright. I want to know their children as well as themselves will be surprised on Christmas morning as they open exciting gifts with smiles that cannot be rubbed off their faces.

I experienced it, and I want to pass that joy along.

That joy reminds me of the true meaning of Christmas. Even though the fun of St. Nick will always be a tradition, Christ is here all year round. That joy and gratitude is something we can all keep in our hearts if we keep Him the center of our lives.

Paying His message forward.

Our burdens can be made light, and the smiles from that joy knowing He will never leave us will still be going strong.

Tenley's favorite gift has been her baby who gets a fever and takes medicine to help her feel better...

She's becoming quite the little mommy.

May you and yours keep the Christmas spirit throughout this new year.

Out with the old In with the new

2011-12-31T22:09:00.004-07:00

Another year has come and gone.

What an eventful year it was! Not the kind of events I ever want to repeat!
Ya hear me... never ever everrrrrrrr!
I am ready for some exciting, wonderful, happy go lucky events to happen in 2012.

2012 will bring smiles

2012 will bring growth to my 2 and 5 year old daughters

2012 will bring all the pieces of my family back together

2012 will bring cancer free goodness

2012 will bring a new aspect on life

2012 will bring a new kind of love and respect for my husband

2012 will bring a forever grateful heart for my children

2012 will bring humbleness for a kind, gentle, always loving Heavenly Father

2012 will continue to bring renewed faith in miracles

GOODBYE FOREVER 2011!!!!!

IT'S GOING TO BE A BRIGHT 2012 FOR US!

a Heavenly voice.

2011-12-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

Christmas is pure magic at Primary Children's. The spirit there is so sweet and brings a feeling that is indescribable.

When I realized we would really be there through December 25th, I was sad feeling bad that Tenley wouldn't be able to spend Christmas morning waking up and running to the tree with Taryn... seeing what Santa had brought.

It still makes my heart ache a bit.

But..... there are some bonuses to this circumstance.

Every nurse and tech has told me nothing compares to Christmas time there. So far we have not been disappointed. Gifts come in all shapes and sizes every single day, carolers sing in the halls, fun trees are in every corner from the festival, ice sculptures, Santa has been a few times, the Jazz players and dancers came yesterday....

but what has really topped this list...

David Archuleta.

I am so glad I just happen to be with Tenley this afternoon. She has been in such a great mood these last few days. Playing, eating a bit, smiling, and giggling. I had just gotten her down for a nap without any struggle, so after she was sound asleep I went out into the hall and was going to head to the cafeteria to grab some lunch....

then I overheard the nurses saying something about "David Archuleta... yeah, down the hall... "

WAIT a minute... WHAT??!!

These past few days I have been listening to his Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert CD.

I can feel the spirit through his singing, and hearing the songs on that CD remind me why we are celebrating this time of year.

It has brought me comfort and peace as I drive back and forth from Primary's, listening to his beautiful pure voice. I honestly feel lifted up and ready to take on whatever challenge I will be faced with.

Sure enough he was down the hall in someones room, and the nurses were starting to crowd around waiting for him to come out. I instantly got super excited and nervous all at once. I truly love this guy. Ever since American Idol, I have always loved him. My mom and I even got last minute tickets to his concert a couple of years ago.

There is something about him that is so childlike and innocent. I love it... I can feel the pure love of Christ through his countenance.

Even more so now.

I told the nurses I wasn't sure if I should go wake up Tenley and have him visit her. One of the doctors that was checking on Tenley throughout the day came by and said, "well ya! you better wake her up!!" I told him if I went back in our room to wake her, he better darn well make sure he came to see us!

A couple minutes passed by and it was our turn. The lights were off, the blind was closed, and Tenley was slowly waking up and nuzzling into me. I told him about her story. I told him how much his voice inspires me and fills me with the spirit.

Then I asked him to sing my favorite song from the cd.

Silent Night. (take a minute to listen to this and you'll know why it is my favorite)

Purely Heaven sent.

a day out on the town.

2011-12-23T09:59:00.003-07:00

Taryn loves to be my sidekick.... and a couple weeks ago, we decided to have a girls day, just the two of us. A lot of my time goes to Tenley, so a day like this was in need.

It started with some lounging jammie time. Then we got ourselves ready and headed out to do a little Christmas shopping with build a bear in mind.

Taryn was such a good sport following my trail in Nordstrom, H&M, and a few other places... then she finally groaned "moooooooooom I thought we were going to BUILD A BEAR!"

So to build a bear we went and she picked out two cute hello kitty's - one for her and one for Tenley.
My heart melted as she made her wish for the bears heart... "I wish my sister (thisther) Tenley will get all better."

Then she washed them, and picked out their clothes. Tenley's got a pair of jammies, and an angel outfit. - very fitting -
Taryn's got a Christmas dress and ballerina jammies.
Then we named them... Bella and Pricilla. Those choices were all Taryn.

After all that shopping and bear building we got some corn dogs. While we were eating we talked about how much walking we did in the mall, then Taryn said, "hey, I know a good idea! I think we should get pedicures now!"

That's my girl.

So that's just what we did... But before that we made a pit stop at fresh market to grab a few groceries. While we were there, we got a picture with a big polar bear standing in front of a huge truck filled with what we guessed were Santa's presents.
Even the grocery store was a fun adventure!

Pedicures were great... Taryn chatted with the workers and told them all about her thisther in the hostible. They remembered us from getting pedicures there over a year ago... and they recognized me as Mary's daughter. They even knew I wasn't Lisa or Amy! Now that is impressive!

They also gave us the royal treatment and glitzed up Taryn's toes. She loved it!!

After finally getting home, we started dinner and then decided to make the gingerbread house my mom bought before Thanksgiving. After I finished the roof, I told Taryn she was in charge of doing everything else. I kept adding stuff and putting things on my way until she said... "what the heck mom, I thought you said I was doing it!"

This was the Best. Day. Ever. (Taryn's words)
and I couldn't agree more.

And thanks to a very gracious thoughtful anonymous friend, the build and bears and pedicures were free.

making her wish

giving them a good scrub

oh ya, I spritzed her with some Justin Bieber perfume.

Check out that shy/embarrassed face... haha

Bella and Pricilla

Thanks for the fun day cute girl!

a Tenley update

2011-12-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

Ok - sorry there are no pictures! I left my camera at the hospital, and I haven't downloaded any for awhile. They will come, I promise!

So it has now been 12 days since we started round two. Tenley has been doing so great! She really came back with much more gusto and personality. So much that she took a dive, literally, out of her crib one day.

The first day back my mom and I got to work making her room cozy. All the while, Tenley just sat in her crib, laid back on a pillow, ate some doritos, and watched a show. It was like... Ok, here we are again, let's just get it all started!

So we did... that evening the chemo began. We finished chemo this past Monday (December 12th) and she sailed through without any issues! No throw ups, no fevers, just a few whines when getting vitals - which included eyedrops, but other than that she was golden.

A few days ago she started to get a pretty sore bottom. Thankfully we had a super genius nurse named Dave who switched her normal baby wipes for some damp cotton pads with some special cream to spray on it... after using those plus the diaper rash cream, her bottom is back to baby soft happy bum cheeks!

Slowly she has been losing her appetite. Last week she had a blast sitting in her own high chair eating on her own... she even figured out how to use a fork, and stabbed chicken nuggets over and over again one afternoon, eating them one by one.

Today... not so much.

Today was a big change, actually it started more last night. My mother in law was with her throughout the evening, and I got to the hospital around 9:45. Tenley looked really tired and ready for bed. All she would eat that evening was popcicles. I got the room ready for bed, and around 10:30 was ready to rock her to sleep with a bottle.

No way josé was she taking that bottle.

Ok - so I figured I'd just rock her for a bit, and then she'd doze right to lala land.

Um, ya... not happening either.

Finally around midnight I decided her mouth must be bothering her. I knew she was so sleepy, but she just could not give into sleep. I had the nurse give her some morphine, and thankfully she dozed off soon after.

BUT - this little girl is a trickster. Just when you think she couldn't possibly be more sound asleep, and you try to make the switch from the rocking chair to her crib, she grabs at you like a monkey and cries as if she was faking it the whole time.

I rocked her from 10:30pm - 1:30am

Now don't get me wrong... I love to snuggle this girl, but those rocking chairs are not the most comfortable, and I was getting anxious and tired. Really emotional, mind racing, crazy person tired. Finally at 1:30 I got her squealing monkey grabbing self to lay down while I hovered over her, still holding her tight. Slowly I had to pull away, and I made it into my own non-bed.

5 o'clock came in a blink of an eye and the nurse tapped me and said Tenley was running a fever... which required them to change her claves (on her tubes from her chest) and some blood cultures done, and yadda yadda I couldn't think straight so who knows what else they had to do.

After all that and rocking Tenley back to her "deep sleep" the whole process began again... but this time I was never able to fully get her back into the crib.

I rocked her from 5am - 8:45am

Thankfully a wonderful gal came to relieve me, on her one year wedding anniversary as well. ANGEL!

I took that break, headed home (to my mom's) stopped by her ward Christmas party to be with Taryn, and then made the drive back up there. Taryn came along and we brought a cute poster with a collage of pictures of Tenley, our family, our old life.

As we walked into the room Taryn ran up to her, and then gently kissed Tenley and ran her hand across her face. She understood that Tenley was not at her best, and needed soft quiet loves. She kissed her over and over and whispered I love you Tenley... then she showed her the poster and Tenley loved looking at it, pointing her finger at everything.
Watching my girls together is always my favorite.

My mom was with her at this point, and after she left, Taryn wanted to head to the kids playroom... Thankfully she absolutely LOVES going there and has no fear whatsoever going with whatever volunteer comes to get her. She stayed there for 3 hours today playing.

During those 3 hours... guess what I was doing.

Rocking.

Total rocking time = 9 hours and 45 minutes in a 19 hour time frame.
When I am a bajillionaire, I am buying that hospital some awesome luxury rocking chairs and amazing pull out chair beds.

Or maybe I'll try to invent some, yes... that would be the best idea, then I could pay off all these hospital bills!

Taryn's Dance Anthem

2011-12-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

This is what you get with Aunt Amy in a half hour - an awesome music video.

Choreography, setting, music and wardrobe by Taryn.

you . are . so . sweet

Remembering Traditions...

2011-12-11T15:20:00.001-07:00

I love holiday traditions... whether they are new or old. One of my favorite traditions growing up was going to the Nutcracker with my grandparents.

It started when I was about 4. I wore a fancy new dress, and had a beautiful fur coat with my hair ready in curls. My grandparents would always get a room at the Inn on temple square. I can still remember how beautiful those rooms were. So elegant and lovely. I loved to collect all the mini lotions, shampoos, and conditioners. I would set them all up on my dresser at home, keeping a piece of the lovely Inn part of my own room.

here I am in my fur coat waiting in the lobby at Capitol Theater

We would always go to the afternoon matinee show. I loved seeing who was playing the part of Clara and dreamed of being her. The music became so familiar to me, and I still to this day can picture all of the different dances and scenes when I hear pieces from the Nutcracker.

After we had dinner, which was usually at the hotel... we would walk around downtown looking at the lights on temple square and watching the carriages ride by on the street. I also remember walking past the glass window scenes on the sidewalk of ZCMI. I always felt so special and happy walking alongside my grandma and grandpa.

When we made our way back to the hotel room, I would have a present waiting for me. A new nightgown or set of pajamas... which were usually made by my Grandma. I would wear them and dance around the room acting out the ballet and playing with either a new nutcracker doll, or clara doll. There was usually a fun little window seat in the room where I'd sit and stare at the lights across the street, and watch the people pass through with their shopping bags and puffy coats.

After a few years, my sister Lisa joined in, then my cousin Emily, then our other cousin Tabby, then Amy... until one day it was all the girl cousins.

The last year I went was when I was a Junior in high school.

This year Taryn was lucky enough to go. My grandparents got last minute tickets... and even though the Inn on Temple Square no longer exists, and the window scenes at ZCMI are something of the past... the nutcracker remains the same.

She was thrilled to go.

We talked about it for days leading up and we read stories of the Nutcracker, watched the Barbie movie of it, and listened and danced to Grandma Mary's book that has a little Clara that spins around and around playing the song over and over and over again.

Taryn has talked about her favorite part every day... "The part when the tree grows and the magician raises his hands and it gets bigger and bigger!!"

She was so excited to show off her new dress!

as far as her Christmas list goes, this is what she wants:

1. Pretend Puppy

2. Barbie

3. Nutcracker

I love that she got to experience the magic of the Nutcracker with my Grandparents, and I am glad they got to experience it with her. I'm sure it will be a memory she will hold onto and cherish, just as I do.

practicing her ballerina moves

Grandma Great and Taryn in their matching red coats!

Seeing the light

2011-12-05T20:58:00.001-07:00

We are in remission!

Yup, REMISSION! I never knew that word could bring me such joy....

Yesterday we "checked in" to ICS ready to start round two. They really need like a concierge and some sort of baggage claim area... at least for us.
We had wagon after wagon loaded up with so much stuff. Most of it we had never even unpacked from the back of my mom's car. I figure we might as well make this room feel like home since we will be contained there for the next few weeks.

As we were unpacking and adding our glitz to the bare walls, one of the many docs came in to give us a run down of our plan for this round. After talking for a few minutes she said, "oh and I have some good news for ya! Tenley is in complete remission! Everything came back clear and there were no signs of any cancer!"

I couldn't believe the news! I wasn't expecting to hear about the bone marrow results until later this week. I didn't even know how to react... this means her body accepted the chemo and she is less likely to relapse. To me, this determined everything. From an outward appearance, I knew she was doing well and was obviously feeling great, but I was so worried about the clockwork inside and what was really happening to her body.

Now I know.

It is hard for me not to just expect the worst... and to assume this is just my course in life and the scary hard road is what I have to go down. It's been engraved into my mind ever since experiencing the loss of my Dad and how much bad news we received day by day.

Even through the many blessings and miracles, Satan still finds ways to drown our spirits and tries to make our worst nightmares come to life. And they will if we let him.

Not today. I was not going to let those thoughts overtake me. This time I am on the winning side, and I have full confidence that Tenley will continue to stay in remission and we will make it through these undertows that keep wanting to pull us down.

Last night after I got Tenley to sleep (at 10:30!!) I laid down, but felt so much emotion surging through me. I cried with an overwhelming gratitude to Heavenly Father thanking Him for answering my prayers and the many prayers of others. I felt astonished seeing them answered right before my eyes.

I cried because I read this and it made me miss Robbie more than ever. I wanted him to be here to hug me and share this exciting moment... knowing our baby was thriving and fighting, giving her all to conquer this demon.

I cried because we were starting the chemo process all over again. We had built her up, brought her back to herself....only to bring her back down.
I cried because I wanted all the hard parts to be in the past and to leave them there... I don't want them to resurface.

This time will be different though. This time I will have the reassurance that after the storm we will see the sunshine again. For this is just a short season and one that I am grateful for. Without it I would not feel His love so strong and pure. His spirit so close, at times I feel as if I am in Heaven.

I know I am being molded into the daughter He wants me to be... and one day I will tell Tenley the story of how she shaped me into the mother I could only dream of becoming.

Feeling Strong

2011-12-02T21:24:00.001-07:00

Today started off with me and Tenley heading out the door at 7:30am. We picked up my sister Lisa after Tenley had been screaming in the car all the way to her house and she continued until we got to Primary's.

She has always hated being in her car seat... especially if Taryn isn't there.

We got to the hospital right on time and Tenley chilled out. She was even willing to wear a mask throughout the halls! After going to a few different floors and doors, we found our way to the bone marrow clinic. This is where the kids who are outpatient come in to get their chemo. For us, we were just getting some labs drawn, vitals, and a review of the last couple of weeks with Dr. Wright. (who I love by the way... she is just that... Right!)

As we sat there waiting, Lisa blew bubbles and Tenley loved it. Then we played with the stethoscope... Tenley really has caught on to these medical tools that are used on her almost daily. She had fun playing doctor, and kept putting them on and then folding them up and waving bye bye like she was all done and leaving the room. So Funny!! Lisa and I were getting a kick out of it!

When the nurse came to draw blood from her line, Tenley handed her one of the lumens like, yup... I know just what you need. I was so glad she was being so willing and easy going... Having an ANC of 1,000 really makes a difference! So far everything was running on time and there was hardly any waiting involved.

For the few minutes we did wait for Dr. Wright, I heard a little boy in the room next door. At first I thought he was yelling, but then Lisa and I stared at each other when we realized he was throwing up. Hard. Then he would cry the saddest cry in between.

It was awful. My heart ached thinking of this little child being overtaken by this poisonous chemo. It all seems so unfair. I teared up and Lisa started crying. We sat there stunned realizing what world we were dealing with. These kids endure more then they ever should have to. It makes me want to bottle up the good days like today. Monday we start chemo all over again. I am praying it goes as well as last time (hopefully even better now that we are starting with higher counts!)

After talking with Dr. Wright we made our way to RTU and soon met the anesthesiologist. I am drawing a blank on his name, but Lisa (who worked at Primary's for years) said he is like the head honcho for anesthesiology. Yes! It was comforting to know we were in great hands. Immediately I thought of the numerous prayers being offered upon us, knowing we were being blessed. Soon they were ready for Tenley. I took her into the room where there were about 7 different nurses and doctors, and after some crying from Tenley and getting the medicine into her line, she was falling asleep and calmed down.

Lisa has watched a lot of kids be put under and said, "now this is the part where most parents start bawling." I know having Lisa there made me feel like I didn't need to freak out and worry about Tenley... so we walked across the hall and grabbed a quick breakfast. About 30 minutes later Tenley was waking up and was so delightful! Completely different than our first go with general anesthesia. The doctor explained that it can be very different each time they come to, and it depends a lot on how they feel that day in general. After he said that, the light bulb turned on in my head and it made total sense as to why she was so hard the first time. It was our 2nd day after being admitted and her counts were super low... plus we were all sleep deprived and emotionally drained. Yeah, no wonder she flipped that first time.

After eating some goldfish, sour gummies, and sipping oh you know... diet coke.

We were good to go! Just like that! We had been there a total of 2 1/2 hours... that seemed like a blink of an eye compared to the weeks I spent there last month!

Dr. Wright helped me feel less stressed when she told me 85% of the kids are in remission at this point. She seemed really upbeat and positive and I asked her if having Tenley's ANC jump from 200 to 1000 in a few days time is a good sign of being in remission... she nodded her head and said of course that is a good sign. We will know for sure next week when they have the results from the procedure today.

I am hopeful at this point and feel like Tenley is fighting the good fight!

Tonight I was thinking back on the month before her diagnosis. Her personality was not there. It wasn't like it all happened overnight, so to notice it wasn't very obvious to me... but she was so whiny, sad, only glimpses of looking happy, never wanting to walk around, only wanting me to hold her. Now seeing her, I can totally tell what we had been missing. She is such a happy little gal! Scrunchy smiles, goofy grins, wanting to run, climb, and toddle around.

Tenley is back and I love it!

- Taryn and Tenley riding in the car tonight to see Christmas lights... see she loves having Taryn with her! -

our new routine

2011-11-30T17:14:00.001-07:00

Have you been wondering what we have been up to?

Well... for starters, we live indoors. Not much escaping this house... which I like, but it also gets pretty boring.

This last weekend was great. Robbie came to town!! The moment he saw Tenley was priceless. He hadn't seen this girl of his for while. A lot has changed since he left. Last time he was with her she had blonde pigtails, was living at the hospital, and pretty much was at her very worst the day he left. So to see the changes in person was a tender moment.

Thanksgiving was easy going. Just our family of four, my mom, and my sister Amy. We did something totally foreign and ordered our dinner through Harmons.

Yep, that happened.

Note to self (and mom) - never ever do it again.

I guess it was fitting for our circumstances. We tried our very best not to complain because on Thanksgiving complaints aren't really allowed... that would be like an oxymoron or something.

Really what mattered was that we were together, in a warm house, enjoying each other, and the blessings we have.

Now - being home, you'd think it was this big break. Well, mostly it is, but there is also a lot to remember and keep up on. After having home health come the first 2 nights, I was on my own. Not completely, I definitely made phone calls to make sure I was doing everything right, but it was me... all up to me to get Tenley's meds going.

Taryn wearing the backpack with Tenley's TPN and helping Tenley walk with her cords

Here's what our schedule looks like:

6am 2pm 10pm - antibiotic flush. This means I have to clean one of her lumens (one end out of the two lines that are part of her broviac central line going straight into her heart) with an alcohol wipe for 15 seconds, then it dries for 15 seconds. Then I push a saline solution into it to make sure it's all clear and ready... then the antibiotic goes in very slowly. I push 1/2 cc every 30 seconds, about 5 cc's worth. Then I flush it once more with another saline syringe, clamp it off, and we are good.

At night starting around 7, I start getting her TPN and lipids ready. These are bags of liquid nutrition that run 12 straight hours. The TPN I usually pull out of the fridge around 5 so it isn't so cold. Prepping all of this takes a lot of concentration... for me at least. I have to add vials of vitamins to the main bag, using a syringe with a big needle. After adding that, I get the lines ready and have to prime them with the liquid running through them. This means I get two machines to hook the lines into, then go through the program on the machines making sure they are set right and after priming them I have to clean Tenley's lumen and hook it all up. I'd say only half of the time I get it completely right the first time. Usually there is some sorta kink, air bubble, or just something not working right...

(see I am seriously concentrating, and Amy has become my assistant... oh and Tenley fell sound asleep this night while I was getting her all hooked up. Normally that doesn't happen)

THANKFULLY Tenley started eating enough that we were able to stop doing this 2 nights ago!

WHOOOOOOOOT WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!

So now I don't have to worry about cords, beeping machines, and wondering if I am doing it all right!

But oh how I miss our old bedtime routine.
Bedtime... oh man, bedtime used to be so easy for us. We did baths, jammies, and once 7:30 rolled around, all it took to get Tenley to sleep was a warm bottle of milk and some rocking.

That was it.

Nigh Night.

Now, we have no routine whatsoever. None. Nada.

It is survival mode with sleep here. There is no certain bedtime. 10:00pm, 1:00am, 12:45am, 9:00pm. It doesn't seem to matter.

Some nights I'm rocking Tenley for what seems like 2 hours. Others she has ended up in a twin bed with me. Last night was a dream come true.... Since she isn't hooked up to the machines, I don't worry so much to just let her have a little fit and cry it out. I got her in bed before 11 and after rocking her and giving her a bottle (yes, she is liking them again!) I put her in the crib and after only 10 minutes she was asleep. Then I heard her cry for a minute around 4 am. Next thing I knew it was 8:45. Taryn and I slept together in my mom's bed. I was the first one up. The FIRST ONE! Yes, I did push the dismiss button on the 6 am alarm for her antibiotic, but a few hours late wasn't going to be the end of us! We needed sleeeeeep!

I feel like we are finally starting to get back on somewhat of a schedule. Maybe. At least until we start this next round and go through it all over again. Tomorrow we have labs drawn and will find out what her counts are. If her ANC (the main overall white blood count) is up to 500 we will go in Friday morning for a Bone Marrow aspiration, as well as a Lumbar Puncture. This will help them to see how well the chemo worked. The goal is to see her in "remission." Then the next few rounds of chemo will be to keep it all away for good.

I am crazy insanely over the top worried about the results these tests will bring. I sooooo badly want them to bring good news. I want that dang cancer to be dead! Killed off! I know all of your prayers make the world of difference...
So I am asking you to each say a prayer that we will have good news. That this process is working and the cancer is being killed off. I know having faith is key. I need all of yours.

My batteries have slowly been recharged being at home. I'm still not sure when we will be admitted to start phase 2, but I know it will be soon. Prayers are what keep us going...

So when you begin your bedtime routine and say your prayers, please keep my Tenley a part of them.

The Faith of a Child

2011-11-23T23:04:00.001-07:00

Matthew chapter 18
1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

We are told multiple times to become as little children in the scriptures. It is obvious that children have unwavering faith. They don't question the why's and how's of the world. They live simply, and follow what their hearts tell them.

A sweet girl I know named Lilly is the perfect example of this simple and unwavering faith. Lilly is the little sister of my sister Amy's friend Adelide. She is thirteen years old, autistic, and has the most vibrant personality of anyone I've ever met... Through the last few years my family has grown to know and love Lilly's family. Her mom, Sara, is one in a million. I would describe her as the salt of the earth... she is warm, nurturing, kind hearted, and beautiful. She is also one of the best cooks I know! There have been numerous occasions when I hear Amy saying what an amazing breakfast, lunch, or meal she's had in their home.

Lilly loves her mom's cooking as well.

This last week in her young women's group, they challenged the girls to fast for someone. Lilly had never fasted before, but she wanted to for my little Tenley.

Friday morning she got up to go to school, and before she left, she and her mom said a prayer for Tenley. She left not having any breakfast... and when Sara picked her up that afternoon she was happy to report she had made it all through school without eating anything, and had kept a prayer in her heart remembering Tenley.

After school they went to Costco. Now of course Costco is the place for food samples galore. As they walked through the store, Lilly told her mom she wasn't feeling so good. Sara told her it was ok for her to eat something.... that she had fasted long enough and Heavenly Father knew what was in her heart, but Lilly was determined to make it 24 hours.

She told her mom she felt weak and thought it would be best if she sat in the cart. So as they made their way through Costco, she sat in the cart and closed her eyes so she wouldn't feel tempted by all the samples of food.

Lilly made it the whole 24 hours.

The next morning was Saturday. The morning that brought me unexpected joy... You see, the doctors who have watched over Tenley had already made up their minds that she would not be ready to go home for her first break. None of them were prepared to send us away, but somehow Tenley's counts made their way up, just barely enough to change one of their minds. Dr. Lemmon, who is the head doctor of the Oncology department made that decision. He as well as a few other doctors came in to deliver that news. I could hear the confidence in his voice as he said Tenley was well enough to leave the hospital. The other doctors kind of raised their eyebrows as to say... surprise!

After hearing about Lilly and her determination to fast... even though it was hard for her, I am positive this miracle came because of her. Who's to say her faith wasn't strong enough to do so?

I believe it was.

On Sunday we were discharged, and Lilly was brave enough to stand in sacrament to bear her testimony, a strengthened and humbled testimony. It was another hard thing for her to do. She is shy and has a hard time talking in front of a crowd, but she told everyone about the miracle she was a part of. That because she chose to fast and stayed strong, Tenley was able to go home.

It brings tears to my eyes to tell this story. I truly believe that she changed our course. It has been such a happy time at home, surrounded by family, and being here all together. I can't even describe how thankful I am for her unwavering faith.

She will forever be a part of the miracles we have been blessed with through this journey.

Lilly, this thanksgiving I am especially thankful for you.

Adelide - Lilly - Sara

home

2011-11-21T12:55:00.001-07:00

Yes... it is true! We are free from the hospital! (for a few days at least) I can't even put into words how thrilled it made me when they gave us the unexpected news Saturday morning. I was planning on staying for at least another week.
Tenley and I slept in (after going to bed late) until 9am. As soon as we got up, the doctors came in and delivered this exciting new! I was so disheveled... leftover makeup smeared on my face, an Olympus baseball Tshirt and pj bottoms on, and a really bad puffy polygamist looking braid.

But who the heck cares cause WE ARE GOING HOME!

I hopped up and down with Tenley in my arms and she squealed with delight! From that moment on, I swear she knew what was going on. No one could rain on our parade! That evening I took down all the decorations, pictures, and banners in her room. As I did so I thought, this could be a bad idea... what if they change their minds and tomorrow they say, uh nevermind! I was on pins and needles waiting for the official go ahead.

Sunday morning we woke up, watched a couple of movies while she received platelets, and an antibiotic. After changing her lumens, and going through the requirements of home rules, we were free to leave! My aunt and uncle came to help with the last load of clothes and such. I couldn't believe we were really leaving and saying goodbye to round one! I don't think I could have stopped smiling if I wanted to.

After getting a couple of insanely expensive meds at the pharmacy we walked outside to get into the car. We were outside! OUTSIDE!!! Then we were riding in the car! RIDING IN THE CAR!!! Then the best moment of all was walking into my parents house and hearing Taryn run from the hallway screaming... "TENLEY! TENLEY!! TENLEY!!!!!"

It was like Christmas morning for them to be together. Tenley's face was pure joy. It took her a few minutes to let me put her down, but after realizing I wasn't leaving she was so happy to take some wobbly steps and let Taryn overload her with love and trinkets.

Ready in her "going home" outfit.

Can you tell I'm super excited!!!

I've been wearing this same outfit for two days!

We made it outside...

Taryn couldn't wait to put "jewelry's" on her

SO HAPPY!!!

This was today... skyping Daddy while he is at work.

Tenley kissed him through the computer about 100 times.

She was so excited to see him saying DADA! over and over!

Snuggling on this chilly winter day, watching shows, and Grandma set up the tree.

Could life be any better at this point?!

The only drama we've had was last night getting everything set up... A separate delivery man brought all the medication, antibiotics, TPN (liquid nutrition), syringes, lines, more syringes, and just what seemed like a boat load of medical stuff.

It was overwhelming to say the least.

Luckily, about 30 minutes later the home health care nurse came and we walked through everything together. Most of it was very familiar to me since I've seen how the nurses flush Tenley's lines over and over again. I can't believe how much medical info I've been able to pick up in just one month.

I was insanely nervous about doing this all on my own, and of course after the nurse got everything running and had left, one of the pumps started beeping.

Oh great. (ok, that was not my real wording)

Tenley had just fallen asleep and now I have to figure out what this beeping means... Code Error 099/45/09415190 - or something like that is what it said.

Really??? W.T.F.

So, I gave the nurse (Dave) a call and he too was stumped.

Double great.

After he called the pharmacy, they ordered a new pump and ordered the delivery guy come back over.

In the meantime... Kim (you know, my other half) was getting a bajillion missed calls from Taryn. She was calling her repeatedly on my phone and on one message Taryn said, hello... hello. uh hello Kim? lalalaaa la laaa lalalaaa.... followed by My mom saying in the background in a crying voice, "they said her body isn't.." click

After she tried calling me, my mom, and the house trying to figure out what this all meant, Taryn answered and just said, "my mom is talking to the doctor."

You can imagine what crazy horrible thoughts were running through her mind!

11:00 came and she was on my moms porch sobbing hysterically! I almost lost her to a heart attack!

Thankfully we were not that deep into trouble. Just waiting for the delivery guy and nurse to show up so we could go to bed! At 11:45 they showed up, got us switched and 5 minutes later they were gone and we were ready to hit the sack.

AWE, can I just say how amazing it was to sleep 6 hours straight! At 6 am I had to gice Tenley her antibiotic. Through her line. The line that runs straight to her heart. Yeah, that thought freaks me out. But I did it, and she was fine, and we went back to sleep until 9.

Today has been wonderful. My girls love being together, entertaining each other, free to walk all over the house, eat together, and just be. I love being with everyone. Not driving back and forth from the hospital... not worrying about the schedule of who's with Tenley next, and what Taryn is doing, and having nurses and doctors in and out all day and night.

Thankful seems like such a simple word to describe how I feel.

Yet thankful I am for every minute home.

Sisters Forever

2011-11-15T17:47:00.001-07:00

Taryn has been curious, yet so understanding of all this. She gets that Tenley is sick and has to stay at the hospital. She woke up one morning and coughed, then gasped and said, "Mom I need to wear one of those white masks so I don't get germs on Tenley!"
She understands more than I give her credit for.

My Mom told me one afternoon Taryn was pretty tired and in need of a nap, she took her in the girls room and rocked her, then said do you want to lay down in Grandma's bed? Or Amy's bed? Or this bed? All of which Taryn cried no... Then she asked, Do you want to lay in Tenley's crib?
Her answer was Yes.

She laid in Tenley's crib and cried for 20 minutes.

These sisters are never really apart. They are 3 years apart, but really they have never been apart. They know life as being together. Waking up together, eating together, riding in the car together. All of which I took for granted. Their world has changed dramatically, and I am so impressed with how well they both are taking it.

Taryn is having sooooo much fun playing with new and old friends, being spoiled by Grandma, getting her makeup done by Amy every morning, and basking in all the attention she is getting.
She eats it up.
But she is smart, and has emotions just like any other girl. She misses her Tenley, and every now and then she has break downs just like the rest of us.

Monday morning was school. I was at the hospital, and as my mom got her ready and was driving her to school, Taryn cried saying all she wanted to do was go the the "hostible" and see Tenley.
So what would any Grandma do?
Take her strait to see her sister.

I am so glad she did, because starting that day, Monday November 14th, there are no kids allowed to visit under the age of 14 at Primary's. Luckily they got approval for this one last visit. It was just me, Taryn, and Tenley hanging out watching Tinkerbelle, eating yogurt, and playing with toys.

I prayed that their visit would be a special one knowing it may be Taryn's last time there throughout Tenley's treatments. Thankfully we will have our week long breaks in between treatments, and I am hoping by the time they allow young kids to visit this next spring, we will be done and out of there for good. I hope.

It was a special visit indeed....

Be Still

2011-11-12T16:54:00.001-07:00

Dear little Tenley,

Remember the last time we were together at the hospital? Almost 20 months ago? I remember it like it was yesterday. Especially our last night there. I had the nurses take you to the nursery so I could get some sleep, but really I couldn't sleep. I called and had them bring you back at 4 am. The lights were glowing softly as I stared at your sweet face. I smelled your little head of dark hair and talked to you quietly. I listened to you breath. You were so sweet and perfect wrapped up tightly like a burrito, with your head rising up and down to the beat of my chest.
It was our little quiet time before going home the next morning.

Now I sit here day after day cuddling you just the same. These last few days it seems like your favorite thing to do is be still in my arms. Resting at ease knowing the comfort of being held close by Mom. I am so glad I can provide that comfort. I wish I could just get inside you and take this all away. I hold you just the same as those early days of your life. You listening to my heart, and I listening to you breathing. I find myself smelling your little head and missing your blonde hair. A temporary reminder of what we are going through.

These be still moments are peaceful and therapeutic to me. It is a break from the outside world. Not many moms get the time to rock their babies as long as they want. I have felt guilty in the past for not spending much time rocking you and putting you to bed at night. I love that I can do that now, if anything... knowing that it makes you feel safe and comforted makes me want to do it all the time. You are strong, you are brave, and you are a blessing to me every day.

We watched this together today, and every word in the song is exactly how I feel. It made me cry, because it is so true. You'll be here in my heart.... always

I love you sweet girl.
Love,
Mommy

Living the life of AML

2011-11-10T21:53:00.001-07:00

AML: Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

That is what we are dealing with day to day. Actually it is more like hour to hour. The good and the bad are back and forth.

Yesterday for example... I spent the night and woke up with Tenley around 7:30. We watched Mickey Mouse and tried eating some oatmeal, then tried applesauce. Neither one she wanted. I could tell just by the way she was holding her mouth that she had mouth sores. They go all the way down her throat. One of the symptoms they told us to expect.

BAD NEWS = 1 point

As the day progressed we heard good news. Her ANC count was coming up, which means her white blood cells are making a comeback! I sent everyone a text with this exciting news! They are only at 100 (a normal count is between 1500-3000) as soon as she gets to 500 it's bye bye hospital and vacation at Grandma's!

GOOD NEWS = 1 point

But.... don't hold your breath because good news doesn't last too long in hospital land. The little broviac line has been giving us a hard time. Last week it tore and had a small leak which had to be repaired immediately. Well, that first repair didn't work, so they repaired it a second time... and guess what, that one didn't work either! So finally at 1:30 am they had the I.V. team come along and fix it as well as place an IV in her hand (because each repair has to have 4 hours to set) and she had to get her chemo, so the hand IV was the only option.
That was last week... back to yesterday... that little line tore again. In a new spot. You can imagine my melt down as they had to take off the dressing that covers this line on her chest, and go through all the trouble of fixing it again. Tenley is not a fan of lying still. Especially for this deal. There were two nurses plus me holding her down, while another nurse did the repair. After getting it all taken care of, I held her tight and snuggled her while she was able to calm down and watched her favorite movie Tangled.

BAD NEWS = 1 point

Later that evening Tenley was in such a good mood playing with me. She was walking around the room, looking out the window, coloring, and then we danced to some Christmas music. That was her favorite. I was feeling so relieved that she was happy, the line was fixed, and slowly her room was becoming more homey. It even felt comforting to be in this little space we have made our own.

GOOD NEWS = 1 point

Well, like I said before... something was looming around the corner. It was shift change for the nurses and for me too. Brett (my brother-in-law) was coming to spend his first night on duty. The new nurse was impossible to understand. She was from Mexico and had the strongest accent. As she was trying to tell me her plans for the night and what meds she'd be starting Tenley on, I felt confused and frustrated not knowing what she was saying. All day we had been so careful with the newest repair on Tenley's line. The only thing they pumped into it was her antibiotic. Which was on a very slow flow. All of the sudden this nurse was hooking a ton of things up that we were behind on, and I felt like it was all too much. It was too many fluids making their way into this fragile line, which then goes into my even more fragile baby.

BAD NEWS = 1 point

You can guess what happened next. Another leak. The repair was no longer repaired. I had left and was on my way home when this news came. I had already thought that it wouldn't hold up, but gave that nurse the benefit of the doubt. I don't know if it was really her fault, or just the repair itself... but I couldn't take it. Not again. Luckily Brett was up for the challenge to be Tenley's knight in shinning armor. I debated going back up, but decided sleep was in need, and so was the attention of my four year old. I was so angry with the nurses, for not fixing it right... for not being careful enough. I called the charge nurse and told him my frustrations. He said I.V. team would be fixing it as well as placing yet again another IV into her little hand. He also said they would make sure to keep Tenley comfortable and give her medicine to keep her calm, but not totally sedated. Wish I could be sedated!

BAD NEWS = 1 point GOOD NEWS = 1 point for Brett :)

Thankfully the I.V. team got it right and made it known that they should be called first everytime to fix these things. OK - lesson learned.... I.V. team rules... I picture them like this coming in....

they take their job seriously.

So, today was uneventful. Which is what I like. We like boring. Tenley was restful, cuddly, and of course cute as a button. Her line is working, and for now the good news is outweighing the bad.

GOOD NEWS = 1 point + 1 more for this video....

GRAND TOTAL

GOOD = 5

BAD = 4

Family of Four

2011-11-07T19:32:00.005-07:00

This weekend had many ups and downs. Tenley finished her chemo treatments for round one on Saturday morning.

Ten days worth... we made it through with flying colors - and floating lights from Tangled!

Robbie also came back Friday afternoon, and that brought a lot of happy smiles from all his girls. My heart calms and my shoulders start to relax as soon as I see him. I know we have so much support from our own family members and many friends... but we are Mommy and Daddy. No one can replace that. To have him here with us makes life feel somewhat complete.

This weekend made me really miss our old life. The usual, pretty boring, day to day stay at home life. I miss waking up with both my girls and watching Disney Junior. I miss putting Tenley in her high chair and dumping cereal on her tray to keep her occupied for a few minutes. I miss figuring out what we should do that day to keep busy. I miss planning dinner...

Dinner for the 4 of us.

Now it rarely is just the 4 of us. Robbie and I are coming or going from the hospital, Taryn is playing with friends and neighbors (which she absolutely loves.) The hours quickly pass day by day, and before you know it another week has passed. Time feels strange. Days and nights no longer have a routine. It's almost like having a newborn again, just living hour by hour whether it's am or pm.

Yesterday was a teary day for me. Tenley was showing the normal expected signs that come along with this process. She had a fever, was very tired, didn't want to eat much, and had the sick eyes all mothers recognize.

Robbie spent the night Friday and Saturday, and he too noticed this change. We went out to dinner just the two of us Saturday night and it was nice to spend quality time with one another. Of course we talked about Tenley most of the night, but we were able to have a few laughs talking about Taryn and her silly personality, checking out the crowd around us, and staring at each other like, what the heck... is this real life?

I love him more than he knows.

By Sunday afternoon we were getting ready to say our "see ya later's." Before we headed back to the hospital, we decided to grab some lunch with Taryn. Just the three of us went to Wendy's. This cute older couple told me how darling my little girl was and it immediately made me tear up. Normally it's, "look how cute your girl's are." -Plural- I wanted to tell them how cute my other daughter is too... Then I went to grab a high chair without realizing I didn't need it.

My head was spinning. How can I sit here and eat. It just felt sad and lonely without Tenley there. My family of four was incomplete. I couldn't stop the tears.

We went to the hospital and Taryn played while Tenley sat on my lap and snuggled. Taryn thinks the hospital is pretty awesome. She loves going with the volunteers to the playroom and making crafts. So off she went to play... Robbie said his final goodbyes and his Mom left to take him to the airport.

I sat there with my baby rocking her. We turned down the lights and closed the blinds. As I sat there holding her and singing her primary songs I tried to finger through her hair that was sticky with medicine she had spit out earlier. At that point I felt her hair coming out more than it should.

Not now... not yet.

I'm not ready for this part. But this part is here. Her cute blonde hair is shedding more and more. I can't get myself to give in yet. Last week was so much easier seeing her acting happy... so much happier than she had been for weeks.

Now it is all too real.

I spent the night with her, held her close and prayed to keep this sweet spirit that has been constant in her room. It hasn't left, and it is a sacred one. I know that as these hard days come, Heavenly Father will stay by my side. I know he will bless my family of four and bond us together in a way only made possible through this experience.

Thankful for Guardian Angels

2011-11-04T07:44:00.009-07:00

November 4th.

This is the second year we see this date and remember so much.

The leaves on the ground, the chill in the air, the ever changing autumn skies. They all remind me of this day.

It's a rare thing to see life's broader picture. I never knew my Dad's passing would or could ever make sense. He was so healthy, so young, so strong, my Dad. Why did he have to be taken away from our family here on earth?

Now I see a glimpse of why. Tenley is so young, so strong, and in a short time she will be healthy again. She has pieces of my Dad in her appearance as well as in her spirit. I see it. I know my Dad is with her constantly. If he was given the chance to stay here on earth, but in return could risk seeing Tenley leave it in two short years, there is no way he would take that risk. He wouldn't have given it a second thought.

It makes sense why she has been doing so well through her first round of chemo. Perfect sense. I'm not saying we will never have hard sick days, but I have peace in my heart knowing during those days she will have my Dad and other angels by her side. Helping her in ways only heaven can.

I will never forget the love, service, prayers, and fasting that were offered to me and my family two years ago. It is all too familiar as we go through it now. It warms my heart and I often think of this scripture as I have seen it come to life...

Mosiah 2:17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

I have seen the hand of God through so many. It is an amazing thing to see. I know as each of us face trials throughout this lifetime, through prayer and an open heart we can all see this beautiful act. It is a part of our plan being here on earth. He provides miracles through each of us as we listen to the spirit and follow it's promptings. Everyone at one time or another will face life changing trials, but through the atonement we can face them and come out stronger than ever. I know this to be true.

These words from Joseph Wirthlin describe it perfectly...

"The dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt... learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at one time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others... The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with years of rejoicing and gratitude."

As this month begins and we celebrate Thanksgiving, I find my heart ever so thankful for His plan. I know He oversee's everything and when we don't understand the why's and the heartache we face today, He does. He wants us to be happy, to find joy in this life.

Today I find joy in my guardian angel. The one who has sent us many miracles and blessings.

Thank you Dad.

I love you.

PIctures are here....

2011-11-03T19:33:00.011-07:00

I finally got my camera pictures downloaded! Most of my card was already filled of pictures from The Andelin family farm/Pumpkin Patch in Sparks, Gardner Village, Taryn dressed as the cutest Minnie Mouse, and my family showing our love for food at Cafe Rio.

All blog worthy events... and I want to get to them at some point.

but these pictures pull at my heartstrings and make me smile all at the same time.

very blog worthy pictures...

Our first day after being admitted into ICS at Primary Children's

messy hair from a crazy couple of nights....

This rocking chair is where we spend most of our time

(puffy eyes from a lot of tears...)

SISTERS!!!!

Seeing each other for the first time in a few days!!

YAY!!!!

Happy drinking a jamba juice...

Playing with her favorite things:

Aunt Lisa's quiet book and Daddy's ipad

BEST

DADDY

EVER

Me and my Kim

The view from our room.

Sweet baby cheeks

One of my favorite moments thus far...

Sipping diet coke, eating french fries, and watching Tangled.

I love you my booga baby!

You make me so proud!!!

A New Week Begins!

2011-11-01T15:11:00.004-07:00

A new week! It feels a lifetime away from last week. I can't even match each event to each day last week. What a blur.... But here we are, going strong and facing this head on.

Tenley has proven that she is a strong force to be reckoned with! They warned us that by her 3rd or 4th day of chemo, she'd most likely loose her appetite and could get pretty grouchy.

Well, we are on day 6 and she's been eating (most) of the meals and snacking on plenty of goodies! Not to mention, smiling all the while! I haven't stopped praying thanking Heavenly Father for this wonderful blessing.

She basically get's to eat whatever she wants... so Halloween candy, you came at the perfect time. She loves....

chocolate

french fries

goldfish crackers

rice

strawberries

m&m's

loorna doone's - you know mom's just what I'm talking about, the best cookies at the hospital.

and of course... Diet Coke

The only out of the ordinary (but not really) moments I have noticed have been her tantrums. Now, I've seen this girl throw a tantrum before and they can be wicked... but this, this was I.N.S.A.N.E.

On Sunday when I had to change her diaper, her bracelets fell off.

...Whoa... that was it for her.

Like THAT. WAS. IT!!!!

15 minutes later I was sweating, she was sweating, and I think the nurses were sweating.

We're talking arching back, arms and legs flailing, and screaming galore! I finally got her to chill and the nurses decided to change up her benedryl to a different drug. Somtimes the benedryl has the opposite effect. I'm still not positive if it was caused by that, or the fact that she is 19 months old and is used to getting down and playing around to get all of her energy out.

It happened again -luckily with just me there- about 4 more times between Sunday and Monday. I called my mom crying the last time and said I hated seeing her react like this. She reminded me that it was actually a good thing... It shows just how hard she is willing to put up a fight. I'd rather have a tantrum throwing toddler over a lethargic one any day.

Other big news... She walked. By herself. She had not walked for a whole week.

It totally reminded me of Jacob Marley's Ghost from A Christmas Carol. Walking all wobbly with cords hanging down. She was determined though, and I've never felt more proud, it didn't even compare to the first time she walked 7 months ago.

She is becoming more and more used to the idea of having nurses come in and out, scanning her I.D. tag, giving her leg a "hug" with the blood pressure monitor, and checking all the other necessities.

It's been fun getting to know the nurses. They are all our favorite. Robbie told the administrator that as soon as we've decided so and so is our favorite nurse, we get a new amazing one and change our minds. They really have the best ones there. I'm sure Tenley will become one of their favorite's too ;) She is pretty irresistible.

I am dying to post some pictures, but I didn't bring my camera cord... so once I get it figured out, I will have a big post of overload pics! There are some dang cute ones.

I can't believe Christmas is around the corner. I have a feeling we will be stuck in the hospital, but we will deck the halls there and celebrate life as it continues on like it always does.

So life of week two - WE ARE READY FOR YOU!!!!

Blessings from above

2011-10-30T07:14:00.007-07:00

I've been taking a break for myself. I started to get sick Wednesday and by Friday I was coughing a lot and I worried whatever bug was in me would make it's way to Tenley. I couldn't let her get even sicker from me not being cautious enough.

Friday started out as a good day. My very best friend Kim came to visit and we gabbed, laughed, enjoyed the food she brought, and Tenley smiled at her as though she was her second mother. Which in a way she is.

My Mom came by as well, and I was still in a cheery mood. Overall we were in good spirits about everything.

Tenley loves to look out the window. She points at the cars, we marvel at the rolling hills covered in fall leaves, the buildings standing tall downtown, and of course I point out the temple to her each time. It's quite the task to move her around that room though. She is hooked up to an I.V. tower with 4 or 5 cords running from her little body and up to this machine. This tower is usually plugged into the wall with an extension cord as well. You can imagine the tangly mess we can get ourselves wrapped into!

As we looked out the window, and traveled back to the crib for diaper changes, then had to get vitals from nurses, then tried to eat some bits of food, that happy cheery mood I had began to dwindle down. I felt so enclosed in this room I'd be spending hours upon hours in. It all became too real thinking of this life we'd be stuck inside. Then I got a cute picture of Taryn that my sister sent me, sitting in the stands at the Olympus football game.

I lost it... totally had a freak out. Here I was finally in Utah with the beautiful mountains I've been aching to be by. For months I have wished so badly I could be with my family... going with them to Oly games, seeing my little sister cheer, eating at Cafe Rio, running to Target with Kim, doing the normal things I love to do.

I'm finally here, but I can't really be here. The realization set in too fast and I had to escape that room before I closed in on myself. Robbie told me to get some fresh air, to go to the game, or just do whatever I wanted to do. I cried the whole way out of the hospital. I wondered what people thought of me, leaving this place like the building was on fire.

I made it to the car and cried so hard. I prayed and cried and prayed with anger and pain. How can I do this Heavenly Father? How can I live in that room? How can I watch my little baby change into this cancer baby? I want to be NORMAL! All I've been wanting was to be here and to live my old life!!! I want to take my kids to McDonalds and not worry about germs every second... I want them to be able to play together and not have all these scary cords hooked to Tenley. How am I going to do this?!?!

My little tantrum made my cold feel so much worse. I calmed down, but my voice sounded hoarse and my head was pounding.

That evening I sat at the computer and read and re-read the messages that so many have left me. I felt a gratitude of love from each and every one. Amy and Connor were playing with Taryn while I sat there coughing and hacking away. My mom called while she was out running some errands and suggested I get a blessing. I had received a blessing from Robbie our first night at the hospital. It was beautiful and comforting, just like blessings always are... but he was there and I was here. It was a Friday night and I knew most of our close friends and family were out. She said, have Connor call his Dad, see if he is home.

He was home, and said the missionaries had just popped in right before we called. My mom walked in the door and we decided to go just the two of us over to the Johnson's home. Doug was dressed in a suit and tie. Of course the missionaries were as well. Those boys were so sweet and listened to our every word as we told them about Taylor and asked where they were from. South Africa, and Seattle. We talked about Tenley and me feeling tired and worn down. While I watched these two young men, I thought of Taylor. I was so happy they were there.

As these three priesthood holders stood tall around me, the one missionary from South Africa anointed healing oil upon my head. As he placed his hands upon my head I felt that power of the priesthood in a way I never have before. It ran through my body and was undeniable the faith this young man had.

Doug gave me a beautiful blessing. It was also powerful and brought peace to my heart. The blessings he offered upon me have made themselves known. They are real blessings from Heavenly Father and I have faith in His words. I know they are true words of God, and all I have to do is accept them.

Before we left the Johnson's, the missionary from South Africa said he wanted to share something with us. He told us that in his patriarchal blessing, it says while he is serving the Lord, his priesthood power will be strong as he blesses those in need. My eyes ran over with tears. I told him I felt that power and how grateful I was that he was there. I'm so grateful that they listened to the promptings of the spirit and came to the Johnson's house that evening. Yet another miracle I have seen in this last week.

So, having my faith rejuvenated, my day off yesterday, getting a lot of vitamin C, and a couple of good night's of sleep, I woke up this morning feeling recharged and ready for this week! I know Heavenly Father is watching over me and will always no matter what.

That is a blessing worth living for.

We Can Do Hard Things

2011-10-28T04:57:00.004-06:00

Here I am wide awake. It's almost 5 am. Tonight Robbie took over at Primary's so I could get a good nights sleep. Falling asleep is hard, and so is briefly waking up... all the sudden I remember again why I have this pit in my stomach and my jitters begin to rise. The worrisome thoughts overtake my mind and the tears begin to flow.

I lay next to my sweet four year old wondering how her little mind is processing what is going on. Sweet thing fell asleep with me snuggling her close as she cried because she wanted to watch more of her barbie movie... It was already 11, and I knew she needed her rest too, but my heart hurt as I knew she was also crying for other reasons.

So many people have commented on how much they admire my strength as we start this long road. My friends, that is not my strength. It is yours. Your prayers are like calming medicine to my soul. It is something I find hard to describe. When I feel consumed with anxiety and fear, the moment I say a simple prayer my breathing relaxes, my shaking hands stop, and it is as though I am warmed from the inside out. I know the only reason I am not crying in despair all day long is because of the numerous prayers being offered upon my family and I.

The Holy Ghost delivers them and I feel them, literally feel them.

Yesterday (Thursday) was a good day. Tenley did great throughout the night as her first dose of chemo ran through her little body. As the nurse hooked her up at 10 pm, I didn't know whether to burst into tears, or feel the gratitude of modern day medicine. Such mixed emotions with every single thing.

I want to document the Hard Things we have accomplished so far...

- Hearing the diagnosis.

Very hard... learning the unbelievable is happening to your helpless child was like a slow motion punch to the stomach, but we did it. Slowly, I am adapting to the cancer lingo. The doctors avoided that word along with the "L" word (leukemia) until they were certain. It is becoming easier to say.

- Surgery to receive her picc line (actually is called a Broviak line) as well as getting a spinal tap.

For the doctors this was no big deal, they do it all the time. For us it was a very big deal. It was surgery. The doctors and nurses were kind with their words. One nurse as she was describing the procedure said, "so she is just getting a line in..." She then corrected herself and said, "I am so sorry, it is not a just to you... I understand it is a big deal, and sometimes we forget that because we see it done all the time." As they gave Tenley some medicine to make her sleepy before they took her into the O.R., I told her to be brave and that even though Mommy and Daddy couldn't be with her, Grandpa and other angels would be right by her side. Brave she was... she did great and hasn't bothered with her new little cords.

- First round of chemo.

I stayed the night with her and she slept so well. The nurse had to add some new routines to checking her vitals. Eye drops, and diaper changes every 3-4 hours. As well as the regular checking her temperature, listening to her heart, and getting her blood pressure. Diaper changes are now a little more work.... gloves on, cotton balls added, ointment, and of course the diaper itself. I feel it has been such a blessing that she has been sleeping so well. She hasn't ever been the best sleeper, and I can usually count on her waking up once or twice a night for a bottle. Since being admitted that hasn't been the case. It could just be because she really is tired, but I know her angels are helping her get the rest she needs.

These three Hard Things I can now check of our list! I know we will have many more along the way, but through prayers, scriptures, love, laughter, and most importantly through Him...

We Can Do Hard Things.

The latest..

2011-10-27T12:43:00.002-06:00

This is Lisa.. Shawna's sister. Shawna will be updating her blog probably in the next few days. In the meantime, I figured I could give everyone the update so Shawna doesn't have to worry about keeping everyone in the know. She and Robbie are incredibly grateful for all of your texts/emails/phone calls/messages, and can't respond to everyone like she wants to! Tenley Jane just wants to be held by her mama, and that is what Shawna wants to be doing anyway...

Tenley had her surgery yesterday to put the PICC line in. This is to administer all the chemo and any other drugs she needs. Shawna said Tenley handles it much better than the IV in her little hand. She didn't like that at all... Because she was doing so well, Tenley started Chemo last night. Day 1 of 10. She did really well through the 6 hour process. She never got nauseous, and then slept pretty well. The Docs and Nurses were in and out of her room all night to check her vitals and diapers. Shawna said Tenley is being her cute self and snuggling with her mama constantly. Keep all of them in your prayers! Thanks for your support. We feel the prayers lifting us up!

To buy a Tenley Rally Band to show your support, go to http://www.rally4good.com/ and click on store. I also have some on hand at my house if anyone wants to come and buy them directly for me! Remember the proceeds go toward this darling family!

Beautiful Heartbreak

2011-10-26T01:23:00.000-06:00

I just had to share this before I went to bed. I just went to "time out for women" two weeks ago where Hilary Weeks spoke and sang this and other beautiful songs. These words have new meaning now... Tears and more tears come as I listen to her words.

Starting over with faith

2011-10-24T22:19:00.005-06:00

And now as I said concerning faith - faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.

Alma 32:21

So here we are again. Facing a mountain that seems impossible to climb. The ache in my heart has reappeared and I am constantly forcing it away with faith and prayer.

Oh my sweet baby girl... so many emotions are flooding through me. I cannot stop feeling an abundance of gratitude for being here, at home, with our family and friends and all who are familiar to us. What a blessing. Actually a miracle. I know without a doubt Robbie's grandma made sure her leaving this earth would bring us here for this time and purpose. I am ever so grateful to her.

Little miss Tenley started off the week on a whiny note. Sunday night (October 16th) she hardly slept a wink. I blamed it on teething. There was no fever, no sign of anything really... just a hard nights sleep. Of course the next day was full of whines and whimpers. I assumed it would be that way with the lack of sleep the night before. All she wanted was for me to hold her.... but in between whining and holding, I was trying to pack for our trip to Utah.

Tuesday morning, packed up the car and had everything ready for our flight. I saved waking Tenley up for last, and hurriedly got her dressed and packed into her car seat. We made it to the airport and caught our flight. Soon after making it to my Mom's house, I put Tenley down for a nap. She slept really well, and when she woke up it was time to get ready for the viewing.

All evening she wanted me to hold her. Every time I tried to set her down with the other kids she cried and reached her arms up at me. I thought maybe her shoes were too tight and that's what was bugging her.

Wednesday morning Robbie, Taryn, and I headed out early for the funeral. My sister Lisa came to watch Tenley for the day. We had kind of joked the night before saying Tenley had a broken leg, and as I texted her a couple hours later asking, "how is Tenley's broken leg?" She replied by saying, "no really... something is seriously wrong." I felt nervous and wondered what was really going on. As the day went on I kept getting texts from Lisa who was giving Tenley an in depth exam... She won't put any pressure on it... She doesn't really react when I squeeze her leg and foot...look, she's just sitting here and won't move...Yep, it's definitely her right leg.

As we made our way home in the late afternoon I met my Mom and my sister Amy at Instacare. My mom insisted she be checked out. I was glad she did... I needed peace of mind. As the doctor examined her his first concern was a sceptic hip. After making some calls to Primary's, he leaned more to the idea of her most recent virus settling into her hip joints. He told us to give her Motrin every 4 hours and then have her checked again in a day or two.

The Motrin helped. A lot. She slept through the night Wednesday and Thursday and was walking around acting like her normal self. I thought we were in the clear and all was well. Even though I had made an appointment to see our regular pediatrician Friday morning, I forgot because Tenley seemed fine and we were busy doing Utah fall things....

Saturday we stayed busy too... running errands to Target, getting food for Robbie's birthday dinner, and going to the zoo. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She still seemed upset if I tried putting her down, so there was not much walking. I knew she should still be checked out one more time to be certain, so we called our pediatrican who luckily lives nearby and took Tenley to his house. Overall she looked alright. He had her walk from my mom to me and checked her legs. He felt the same way as the Instacare doc. Just that lingering virus bothering her joints. Then he said he wasn't concerned about it, and by next week she should be fine.

Saturday night we were back to the all nighter. Tenley was a wreck, and this time she would not straighten out her legs. She just wanted to be held close and tight... and whimpered at any movement. I knew something was really wrong and was more confused than ever. That morning we tried the Motrin, but nothing helped. I called our peditrician and told him what was going on and asked his advice if we take our flight home that left that night at 7 or stay and see what this could possibly be while we were near family and friends. He decided to send us to Primary's for an ultrasound of Tenleys hips, as well as some blood work.

The ultrasound showed some fluid in her right hip, but the blood tests were the main concern. Everything came back low. Abnormally low. Low white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets, all of it. The only thing that was high were her lymphocytes. The pediatrician called me and after trying to break the news to me softly, he said he was worried it could quite possibly be leukemia.

leukemia....

I fell to the ground as I heard that word. Literally fell and couldn't breathe. How was this possible? My family was getting ready for Robbie's birthday feast and I came sobbing in from outside with this heartbreaking news. We all cried. Cried the way we did two years ago. My fresh scars had been torn open.

So here we are... after going into the ER, getting more blood drawn, more xrays, getting admitted, more doctors, more tests, more questions, more heartache.

Yet, I feel the peace and reassurance that all will be ok. Tenley will be fine. These words came from angels. Tenley is my angel. We were so desperate for a miracle two years ago, prayed for one fervently... as my Dad's life on earth came to an end, my new little girl's was just beginning. She knows my Dad in ways we do not. I made him promise me as we said our goodbye's that final night, that this baby of mine would be healthy and strong.

I know that promise will not fail. I have such stronger faith through the trial of losing my Dad. The Lord does give us miracles.... and now is the time for ours.

Something Spooky is lurking...

2011-10-16T17:03:00.003-06:00

Just thought I'd post our most scary Halloween decoration...

Oh, did you want a closer look?
C.D.B.D.I's????
Yup, that's a real life spider Robbie and Taryn found when I was out doing errands.

And guess what. Robbie LEFT. IT. THERE!!!!
What the heck! Who does that?!?! Gives me major heeby jeeby's

Guess what else...
We are heading to UT on Tuesday! Not for the best of circumstances... Robbie's grandma passed away. She was 91 and had lived a long, full, beautiful life. So I think the whole family is comforted with her going "home."

We will be celebrating her life with his family, and then spending the rest of the week enjoying the wonderful fall weather there :)

Oh... and also celebrating my main squeezes day of birth!!
Happy 31 years Robbie!!
I Love You SOOOOO Much.... and I'm sure glad your grandma took your family in at a time of need, cause without that great service I probably wouldn't have met YOU!

rockin pumpkins and yummy spiders!!

2011-10-10T14:41:00.010-06:00

We have made some really fun friends here in Sparks...
A couple of girls Taryn adores are Lilly and London. I have to say they (and their mama) are pretty awesome!

We've had them over to play a lot lately, so one day to keep them busy I decided to have them make a fun little Halloween craft. We have a million rocks in our backyard, so we decided to turn some of those rocks into pumpkins! I already had everything we needed... and they thought it was the coolest thing ever!

having fun painting, and being silly.

the finished product!
We sprayed them with gold pray paint, glued on googly eyes, buttons, and sparkly jewels for earrings.

Rachel (their mom) asked me to trim up the girls hair if I could - well of course I could! I have to say I did the cutest cut on her little one London... Honestly, I couldn't get over how adorable it looked.

I love little girl bobs!

and of course Lilly looked darling too with a fresh new trim!
I honestly LOVE to do hair and make girls of all ages feel beautiful!

Last week we got "Boo'd"
We were in the middle of eating dinner and someone knocked on the door. Taryn jumped up to see who was there, opened the door and said, "What the Heck?!" then squealed and kept saying, "What the heck Mom! What the HECK! Who left these treats for us?!"

I told her we now get to do the same thing for some of her friends! She couldn't wait to surprise them and kept reminding me we had to wait for night time to do it.

We decided to make some cute spider cupcakes. Taryn could hardly wait to make them. She had school the next morning and told her teacher all about the "boo" and the spider cupcakes we were going to make.
I love making holidays exciting and getting in the spirit of the season!

All you need to make these guys....

This one loves to help me in the kitchen

cute right?!

Yay for Halloween fun!!!

Starting school

2011-10-07T14:35:00.005-06:00

First day of school.
New town, new teacher, and of course a new backpack!

Check out how excited she is! (mostly because of her new "packpack")

I am so proud of how well Taryn is doing in preschool. She has learned how to write out her name, and does it constantly! I'm so glad that she enjoys school and jumps out of the car each morning telling me she can walk up by herself... then yells, "Bye Mom... I love you!"

Tenley wasn't as thrilled for her to leave on her first day... which is funny because we've had many days when Taryn will go play with a friend and I get to spend some quality time with just Tenley.... but this day she was not happy to see her go.

Taryn reassured her by saying, "It's ok Tenley, I'll be back soon! I love you!"

Capturing the moment

2011-10-05T11:42:00.009-06:00

Tenley - 18 months

I just looked back on this and can't believe how fast time has gone since Taryn was this age.
Taryn and Tenley are such different girls. It's pretty funny how opposite they actually are.

This little girl loves to make us laugh. I am seriously considering recording dinner time, and all the laughs we have. Tenley has this silly trick where she sticks her fingers into her eyes, like literally shoves them into her eye sockets and just sits there until we all crack up. She looks like a crazy harry potter creature or something when she does it.

Tenley loves food and if she's being a whiner, giving her a snack is an easy solution.
Her favorite foods right now are just about everything. She has this weird obsession with begging me to open the pantry and picking out a lifesaver wintergreen mint. She LOVES those. I usually chomp it up so it's not so choke-able, then feed it to her like a mama bird feeds her babies. Pretty sick, but it's her fav.

Anything Taryn is doing Tenley will follow. I can usually count to 5 before there is some screaming involved. Let's just say Taryn likes her "things" the way they are.... and Tenley likes to destroy whatever things Taryn is playing with at the moment. It's an on going battle at our house... but we somehow make it work.

Tenley could care less about TV... still. I know that's a good thing, but really I would love to have both my girls sit together and watch a little show while I get some stuff done without someone on my heel. hahaha. Tenley loves to be on my heels, she would be glued to me if it were possible.

Her hair is growing like a wild weed. I love it, so different from Taryn's little sprouty hair. I've decided bangs are her thing. They fit her personality like a glove. My blonde, bang, piggy tail girl. Right now my favorite do on her is little piggy knots. One of these days I'll get her to hold still long enough to get a good shot.

She loves to be outside. Playing in the backyard, coloring with chalk, and sitting on her favorite little chairs. (pictured above) She cries every time I open and close the backdoor to let Lexi out and she's not going along with her.

Lucky for me she still loves a good snuggle. She will nuzzle right into my shoulder and in that moment, the world is perfect... for both of us.

She doesn't really care for talking. The one thing she says repeatedly is, "what's that??" I'm always answering to, "what's that?" - an airplane, a sign, a light, the toaster, a guy... hahaha... it never ends. The other words she knows are Mama, Dada, Daya (Taryn), uh-oh, and Lisa.
Yup, she knows Lisa!

We are really working on saying or signing please and thank you. Most of the time Tenley just screeches at me to get whatever she wants. Even Taryn knows Tenley has to sign please (rubbing her chest) before we give in. She usually does the sign for more, and she will find the baby signing time DVD and bring it to me, then rock her arms back and forth like she's rocking a baby. Even if I turn the show on, she never actually watches it. I guess she's picking up a few things though! Still doesn't compare to how obsessed Taryn was with those shows.

She loves nursery and so far hasn't been sad when we drop her off. I think she just looks around the whole time thinking, ok so what am I suppose to do now? She does love snack time the most.

I can't believe turning 2 is just around the corner. I wish time could stand still!! I really love the ages my kids are right now. I know as time goes on life is only going to get busier and more challenging... so I'm trying my best everyday to really enjoy it all, small and simple while it lasts.

I love you Tenley Jane!
Every little piece of you!

Elder Cox

2011-09-30T16:54:00.010-06:00

So, I figured for most families sending out a missionary was, ya know... "easy and normal." That's what I always thought hearing about friends who's brothers were leaving, or hearing about so and so's missionary... yada yada yada.
Now I realize there are a lot of feelings involved.

My brother is the One and Only brother. So this is all brand new to me, my sisters, and my Mom. We have had a lot of life changing experiences these last two years and it's all a little overwhelming to say the least. Of course we want him to be on a mission, and he definitely wants to be there too. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Nope.

So what do you think we all have been doing to cope?? Well, we use this website like allllll the time sending him letters and writing funny things to him (like Snorkel...) I made him a package of stuff that I went a little overboard on. I mean, hello... if it were me, I would want to be getting awesome stuff! My mom has sent him a package, his girlfriend has sent him some, and Taryn thinks any craft or coloring project is something we are sending Taylor.
Ya, we are a little obsessed.

But, in all seriousness, my brother is one of a kind. He is sweet in a way most teenage boys can't even understand. He has never once been rude to his sisters, made any of us feel bad or upset, and has never made fun of us. He has taken it upon himself to love my girls in a way my Dad only could. He stares at them meaningfully, he plays with them when everyone else wants a break, he truly adores them.
And when it comes to my Mom, he cares for her in ways that can't be explained.
So you see... my brother is one of a kind.

So far he has been soaking up the MTC experience like a sponge. He says he has his moments of feeling down, but then comes right back up with a laugh from his comps and a reminder of why he is there. Yesterday he arrived at the MTC in the Domincan Republic. Of course it's like starting from scratch again and is a little overwhelming. My heart hasn't stopped praying for him and my mind is constantly wondering what he is doing now and how is he feeling? I know with every change, there is fear and nervousness. I felt it 7 months ago. Then again, I wasn't moving out of the country, learning a new language, and leaving my entire family behind. Being surrounded with the unfamiliar is scary.... but in time you grow to love your new surroundings.

Elder Cox is going to change lives. He is going to bring hope, peace, joy, and most importantly he is going to bring knowledge of the Savior.
Now that is a change that is worth every ounce of fear and worry a missionary goes through.

I love you Taylor and I am so proud of all the wonderful work you are bringing forth!

We are all sending xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo's to the DR!

Discover

2011-09-28T13:55:00.008-06:00

A new kids museum just opened here... so of course we had to check it out!

It's called the Discovery Museum (obviously) and we discovered a ton of fun things. This will be such a fun place to come when winter hits and we get bored from being stuck inside!

Here are a few of our discoveries....

magnifying glass makes us look really big!

what goes up, must come down

sometimes we can fit inside a tire

We really like money

wind comes from air, which can make things spin!

magnets can make art

we can make a rainbow from light reflecting

a fish pond we can walk on is really cool

and Olivia makes really awesome cookies!!

See... lots of discoveries!!

There are a ton of other fun area's I didn't take pictures in... a huge fiberglass wall the kids get to draw on, tons of robotic pieces they can put together to make something unique, a water area, and a huge climbing netted area that goes 3 stories up!

Yay, we will have to come back!

and here's a video to show just how cool that fish pond really was.

Balloons

2011-09-26T14:38:00.011-06:00

I faced my fear... we went to the great hot air balloon race.
I had heard about this awesome event after living here for just one week.

It did NOT disappoint!

We went with some of our friends, the Witters. Luckily Kristen was all about getting their early for the "glow show" which I wanted to see as well. (we made it just in time too!)

the announcer kept counting down from ten over and over again...
then would say, GLOW....... and the balloons would light up. They went in the sky too.

I was a slacker mom and didn't realize just how chilly it would be outside at 4:30 am! My poor kids were frozen :( Oops!! (and Tenley lost a shoe and had no socks... really what was I thinking?!)

Taryn and her buddy Mitchell

yup, I got THAT close!

Checking out the inside.... I would not want this kids job.

Finally warmed up! and they are OFF....

What a great way to start a Saturday morning!
I guess there are some bright sides to Reno :)

coming soon...

2011-09-22T16:46:00.003-06:00

today I am snuggling this one

she has been feeling under the weather to say the least for the past few days.

I promise this upcoming week I am getting back on the blogging wagon.
For reals.
It is my goal to blog every day! (or try too!!)

Coming Soon:
Hot air balloon races
The new kids museum
Elder Cox
First day of school
Taryn's Reno buddies!

Stay tuned!!!

ten days that went by waaaaay too fast

2011-09-06T22:01:00.011-06:00

Yet again we made it back to UT. I feel like we've already been living away for 5 years and it's only been 6 months!

I'm really really glad we have had some good excuses to come back to visit. I love it every time. This time unfortunately we started it off with Tenley sick. She barfed in the car on our way to the airport.
Awesome.
Wish it would have ended there... but nope! That bug followed us and spread like wildfire after we arrived. Sorry to everyone who was plagued by our disease!!
Now that (hopefully) everyone is back to normal, I still have some major detoxing to do. It's called post-going home-vacation depression.
blah

I even missed this dog...
It just takes time to adjust back to life here. - I'm in the middle of detoxing, can't you tell.

Back to the highlights of our trip.....

First thing grandma does is spoil my girls like crazy... Taryn was so excited to find a new dress up, some new toys, and a whole lot of barbie movies! Then she jumped for joy as soon as Amy walked in the door from school.

She also snuggled Aunt Lisa of course... lots and lots of snuggle time with the aunt who gives her anything she wants.

oh and McCall definitely knows how to win this girl over... BLINGY CRAFTS AND ANYTHING PRINCESS will do the job!

But the biggest surprise of all was seeing this new room for the first time!!!!

TA-DA!!!!!!
I LOOOOOVE it!!!!!! - and my Mom so deserves it. After many many years of sweating to death in her small kitchen and trying to squeeze past the old countertop it was time for an upgrade! YES!!!

(Taryn's photo skills)
First night there we celebrated Tay's birthday. We ate at the Cheesecake Factory. Enduring the long wait and all, but I could care less how long we had to wait... I was with my favorite people!!

The main reason for this trip was my one and only brother Taylor's farewell.
It still boggles my mind that he is old enough to be a missionary.
He's going to be an awesome one.
Really really awesome.

just a few of the high schoolers that came

Taylor and McCall

our version of Cafe Rio

Could these girls be any prettier?!?

Lisa, my Mom, and a couple of the Slaters :)

and if you read my blog normally... you know this is my other half. Yep Kim!
(and my creeper seester behind us)

My little Taryn (such a trooper for having the bug that day) and my favorite -almost 6- year old Ava.

...and I was going to post the montage of pictures I took of Taryn and Taylor. She was seriously glued to him.
But just thinking about it makes me cry.

So that will have to wait until later my friends...
Good luck tomorrow Tay!
I Love You!!!

TAHOE

2011-07-30T14:58:00.006-06:00

This is where it's at.

Honestly, it is breathtaking. Clear blue waters that go miles and miles, the summer sky looking lovely and bright, beachy sand you can sink your heels into, and the mountains surrounding it all... tall, green, and lush.
It's quite the sight to see.

Taryn and Robbie made it all the way into the cold water

Tenley found her happy spot

this is what she did the entire time we were there.

she could do this for hours

it was the perfect summer day

- besides the lame parking ticket we got... grrr -

Saturday Morning

2011-07-23T11:24:00.004-06:00

Love when we get to somewhat sleep in on Saturdays.

Today Tenley went all for it and slept past 9:30... Taryn and I actually went in to see if she was up yet and she sat up all sleepy headed with a huge grin spread across her face.

and that grin has been going all morning long....

love it.

This is truly my child here. She loves the tube and can be occupied for quite a while watching Saturday morning shows.

Nothing says Saturday more than my girls peeking out their favorite window to watch Daddy mow the lawn. Lucky for Tenley, Taryn was tuned out to a show so there was no quarrel to be had to get this beloved spot.

Now I've got to pack up some beach toys and snacks cause we are headed out to spend this summer day at Lake Tahoe.

I heart Saturdays.

Summer is going Swell!

2011-07-19T16:53:00.002-06:00

Warning: this got a little out of control with an overload of summer catch up. I'm just too lazy to split it all into different posts.
you have been warned...

So far our summer has FLOWN by! We just got back from spending 2 weeks in Utah....

So. Much. Fun.

I don't even know what to do now that we are all by our lonesome selves. Taryn has become a total fish in the pool this year. I had her in swimming lessons the 2 weeks before we left and then we pretty much swam everyday in my aunt's pool while staying at her house.

there are like no pools in Reno.... or as my mom would say, "right by lake Tahoe in Sparks, Nevada." For some reason saying we live in Reno scares her.

renorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenorenoreno

So I signed Taryn up for the next course of swim lessons! It's at this really fun resort just 3 minutes from our house.... basically after lessons we lounge around and enjoy the afternoon at the resort without actually paying a fortune for a membership :)
Might be a little sneaky, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Taryn the fish and Tenley being entertained with food, as usual.

Spending the 4th on our home turf was super fab. We spent the morning watching the very homemade evergreen avenue parade. Nothing compares really. It was a bonus to see a lot of old neighborhood friends. -and I met our "replacement family." How crazy is it that the family that moved into our old place is a lot like us... tall dad, blonde mom, two kids (4 year old and a baby) but both boys. It was kind of creepy how many times I ran into this family. I felt stalkerish, and wanted to yell, "HEY YOU FAMILY... YOU ARE LIVING MY LIFE!"

Sunday before the 4th... I took a bajillion pictures of them in these dresses
L~O~V~E!

waiting for the parade to start

yelling for "candy over here!"

Taryn's favorite part.

Tenley's favorite part

My favorite part - seeing my cute primary kids! I miss them!!

Later that evening we had a BBQ with the Wilson's (totally forgot to take pictures there!) then saw some festive fireworks at the Holiday Elementary. (again... a must do) My kids were in heaven getting all the attention and being around grandma's... aunts... uncles... and cousins.

Taryn with the lovebirds

Still lovebirds.... Had our very first kiss 9 years ago on this very night!
I'm telling ya fireworks were boomin!
cheese cheese... more cheese

totally normal

My kids love a good dance party

I seriously love this Harajuku girl pose!

After all the 4th of July hoopla ended, we did a ton of hanging out in my Aunt Becky's pool. My mom is having her kitchen completely remodeled and adding on another living room area so her house was somewhat out of service. Lucky for us my Aunt Becky and Uncle Steve live 5 minutes away and they welcomed us to stay at their place! Could you ask for a better setting?

Pool - check
Kid toys - check
Yummy food and treats - check
Late night chats on their back porch - check check check!

Lisa and Tar soakin' up the sun

Amy Lou aka the pool cleaner/keeper/slave

Taryn and Becca. They played like crazy.

my other favorite picture... Tenley as an e-wok spying on Taryn and Ava in the shower

Oh! I saw Harry Potter with my sister Amy and her friends. Loved it! We got prepared by watching the first part of Deathly Hallows on my Uncles prized posession.
The big huge flat screen screen HDTV with an amazing surround sound system :)

We were pumped.

Amy defiled her forearm with a sweet death mark.

And the whole reason for this trip... to be there for my brother who went through the Temple for his own endowements.
So proud of him.
He's going to be one awesome missionary. :)

My brother and his wind blown sisters
I think we look pretty hot

What's left on the agenda for the rest of this month: THIS.... THIS... and THIS.

Hope you're enjoying summer time as well!

Get prepared!

2011-06-30T14:55:00.002-06:00

So my cute friend here in Reno is selling this awesome food storage. I am so glad she introduced me to it because I am a total slacker and NEED to get on the ball with food storage and preparedness.

Right now she is doing a giveaway on her blog. http://sweetnsimplepleasures.blogspot.com/

If you want to know more about the Thrive product go to her website(and save money if you order any through her)

I've tried some foods from this company and let me tell ya... they are soooo gooood! I am tempted every day to open my packet of dehydrated strawberries to snack on. mmmm mmmm mmmmmmm

They even have dehydrated ice cream sandwiches! Hello, that is genius! Who wants to be eating beans and wheat when the world is ending?! I'm all for ice cream sandwiches!

Here's to hoping I win :)

9 children + 4 mothers + vegas = a lot of craziness

2011-06-23T18:04:00.008-06:00

So my favorite gals were heading to catch the sun in Vegas and I did not want to miss out.

Usually when we head to Vegas or anywhere else with overnight stays we do it to relax, laugh, and lay out by the pool all day long....

This time we brought all the kids along.
There was little relaxation, some nervous laughter, and not a whole lot of laying out. We did have fa good time, and the kids were in heaven. Especially the first night there... we let them all crash and have a big sleep over on the living room floor.

We decided that was a bad idea the next morning when they were all up and playing at 5:30 am....

I'm sure anyone who saw us as we hit Town Square one night with Natalie's husband James in tow, thought we were a polygamist family out having an adventure.

We managed to have fun, but I'm sure we won't be doing another trip like this anytime soon! :)

the perfect hike

2011-06-02T22:12:00.007-06:00

Memorial day was hard on me... just knowing most people were spending the holiday with their families and doing BBQ's made me really miss home. I also knew my family would be visiting my Dad's grave, and that in turn made me miss my Dad. I wanted to make the most of our day though, so we ventured out and my prayers to turn my frown upside down were answered :)

We found the perfect hiking trail in Galena. Short, simple, and beautiful views of the valley.

Saw a couple of these guys along the trial

Check out the beautiful view!

Thankfully I always have this guy to help cheer me up!

I was also thrilled when our friends called and invited us to their family BBQ! The Cottrell's have seriously been such awesome friends! I don't know how I'd be surviving life here without Kaymee as my go-to gal pal!! Shout out to ya girl!

and the ride home was filled with the competitive yelling from these two....

Tenley usually wins

you are four

2011-05-24T12:29:00.015-06:00

May is coming to an end, and I cannot let it pass without documenting the birthday of a very special four year old.

We celebrated in Utah. The weather permitted some sunshine for a couple hours to eat cupcakes and pizza at one of our favorite parks. Taryn makes me laugh everyday. She is one in a million and I love every ounce of her!

I have to list a few favorites she has said or done lately...

-While staying at my mom's house she constantly was begging to either swing or go on the "jumpoline." - Now that makes sense.

-Everything that looks like a lizard, snake, or whatever this is (saw it on a walk here the other day) she calls an alligator. Even the tar swirling on the street from a distance to her is most definitely an alligator.

-She is constantly caring for Tenley. She never wants her to take a nap because she'd rather have her little sis be the sidekick to whatever she is up to.

- Glatulyns. This is her word for some kind of sparkly. It's different from diamonds, and usually mermaids have them. I find myself using the word too. I like it. I think Webster should take note of it.

- This gal could eat corndogs all day. And sometimes she does. I don't know why a corndog for breakfast would ever seem appetizing, but it's usually all she'll have. I give in because the girl is still the size of a baby bird.

- Lately she is really into picking out her own clothes. Which usually involves this skirt I picked up at the D.I. a few years ago. It never fit her small waistline until this year.... and now it is her most favorite piece of clothing.

- Her memory is insane. She can recall moments from before she was two. She will even shoult out in the car when we drive past a place we maybe went to one time and say, "Hey mom! I member when we went there and I wore my farkly shoes, and then tenley freaked out... and yada yada yada..."

- She loves loves loves to sing and dance. Any singing involves a lot of dynamics and vibrato. She does not hold back. Dancing is also very dramatic. I blame Disney.

- She is constantly comparing Reno and Utah. Our white house is at Utah, now we have a brown house at Reno... Cafe Rio is at Utah... the alligator we sawled is at Reno... Ava lives at Utah... (she likes using the word at) After we visited Lake Tahoe, she kept calling it Salt Lake. That whole explanation really through her for a loop.

- Calissa.... now this could be a post all on it's own. Calissa is her "friend" who she becomes randomly at any given time. She plays the part very well, calling me "Taryn's mom" and asking if taryn has ever been on the Mickey Boat. The things Calissa says are crazy sometimes.... For instance, while she was playing with Tenley as Calissa, she told me that where she comes from they eat their babies.
Yeahhhh, not sure how we feel about Calissa.

I still am in disbelief that I have a four year old. It is exciting, and fun, and makes my heart ache for her to stay little all at the same time. Driving home from church this past Sunday I really thought about her being my oldest. In reality she is me. She will always be my first baby, my little helper, the one who watches over her siblings, the "test child" who we learn parenting mistakes from.

Taryn is inquisitive, smart, cautious, imaginitive, shy, funny, and a beautiful little girl. I love her more than she will ever know!

Happy Birthday sweet girl.

mischief.

2011-05-18T15:40:00.002-06:00

I was on the phone having one of my daily chats with Kim.
I realized it was quiet...

too quiet.

so what were these two up to????

oh, just eating some laffy taffy flavored chapsticks.

and guess what...
I kept chatting with Kim and let them stay quiet.
hehehe

Visiting Utah - Perkins Style

2011-05-15T16:34:00.009-06:00

Our visit to Utah of course was to visit family... but we could never show up without some plans arranged with the Perkins.

Oh how we miss you everyday....
eyeyeyeyeye........
ok... I can't say any more on the matter or else I will be in a flood of tears.

Here are some of our favorite spots where we met up to play.

Gardner Village
It was our first sunny day there and we lived it up.

It started off with a long walk on jordan parkway, follwed by some yummy lunch here and cookies that we did not want to share with the children. After that we did some duck watching...

Wheeler farm
Sunny day, but chilllllly. The kids didn't care though, and neither did the animals :)

my favorite cowboy....

seriously... I love this kid, mood swings and all.

This will be going on their wedding video in 20 years

best buddies 4-eva!

my other half

we felt sorry for this cow and her engorged looking udders

giving Tenley some love

We met up at some other fun places too... including our half way meeting point at McDonalds.
Our other favorite meeting spot is Target. Going there without these peeps is never the same.
Until next time Perkins....

LOVE YOU GUYS!

oh...
I just realized I may have deleted the greatest videos of all time :( I was planning to post them at the end here cause they are hilarious... imagine these kids having their own conversation with a sheep and another one of them pestering a really testy rooster! Not to mention the best laugh you'd ever hear in your life... Kim's got a great one :)

Why.I.Awe.Da!!!

Mother's Day Questionaire

2011-05-08T19:12:00.006-06:00

Taryn brought home a mothers day game from sunbeams.

It came with a bag of m&m's, and for each color was a question you would ask each other...
Her answers were awesome...

1. What is one of your favorite things to do with me?
Taryn's answer: HUG

2. Where would you want to go anywhere in the world with me and why?
Taryn's answer: on a trip... on the mickey boat.

3. What do you see us doing in ten years?
Taryn's answer: playing with chalk

4. Name three reasons why you love me
Taryn's answer: you share with me, you make me dinner, and you be nice to me

5. Ask me any question you like!
Taryn's response: Did you and Daddy ride in a carriage at the temple when you got married?
(Robbie was explaining to her that today is our anniversary)

6. Hum a tune and see if I can guess it...
Taryn's response: She hummed the same note and I guessed I am a child of God.

Right now she is standing on a chair at the sink "doing the dishwasher" in her sleeping beauty dress. What a great helper on Mother's Day! I love this girl and I am so grateful to be her mom. Even though there are times I want to shut myself in in my room and escape the chaos of mommy life, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
These girls are my everything.

I love you sweet booga babies!! Thank you for always loving me.

oh and check out my hairdo... I wanted to try something new and I saw this on a blog I regularly stalk...and gave it a try

whatdaya think?

Easter in an eggshell

2011-05-07T22:35:00.009-06:00

So we just got back from our trip to Utah.

It sure is weird to say that... our trip to Utah. I kinda want to say we went home to Utah, and now we are back visiting Reno.

Anyway...
before I get to that, I don't want to skip Easter.

So here are pictures from our Easter weekend....

Taryn and I dyed eggs while Tenley and Lexi played with the plastic eggs.

Taryn's outfit for the egg dying...
sweet flight of the concords shirt :)

Mr and Mrs egg

the Easter bunny brought some awesome goodies

then we searched for all the eggs in their silly places....
while Daddy and Tenley slept.

She loves her new jammies!

and her cute Easter dress!!

I finally woke Tenley up ten minutes before we left for church.
Sheesh, I wish I could sleep in and look that cute with ten minutes to get ready!

oh, and look who exists!
Our very busy Daddy!!!

and after church, these girls got into some mischief...

while mommy was busy making this Easter dinner :)

I was very proud of myself!

The next morning I got the girls in our loaded up car at 5 am and we made the long drive "home."

I'm already planning our next trip ;)

remembering today

2011-04-21T17:20:00.004-06:00

Today I don't care that I have a muffin top. That muffin top carried two baby girls that I love and adore.

Today I am happy to have a healthy body that can pull those girls along on a bike ride.

Today I feel blessed to see the "popcorn" trees, feel the spring breeze, and hear the birds chirpping.

Today I am letting the little things go, the fingerprints on the glass door, the spills on my kids shirts, the unwashed hair of their mother...

Today I find joy in cooking, baking, and preparing dinner for my family.

Today I am happy picking up toys, loading the dishwasher, switching out the laundry.

Today I smile while I watch my girls play and giggle together. Everyday I get to watch them grow as sisters.

Today I am feeling the spirit.
In my home, in new friends, and in my family.

Today I am living life...
and I love it.

a parade, some pizza, and a toad.

2011-04-19T14:01:00.008-06:00

Every week we've been getting to know new friends at playgroup. One of those friends invited us to her previous wards playgroup this past week for a parade. (I am loving playgroups... for reals, it's my saving grace) We brought along Taryn's scooter to decorate and ride around.

By the time everyone showed up, the kids were getting antsy and the wind had picked up.... but we weren't going to let that stop us.

I made sure to stick Taryn in the back of the line.
She's not one for speed.

Here is Taryn with one of her new buddies, Jocelyn. Such a sweet girl!

the line-up

In the meantime, Tenley sat still and quietly doing what she does best... eating.

The next day was Friday. I usually don't make any plans for Friday evening because Robbie's schedule is a little hectic at the moment. I never know what time to expect him home, but I was tired of making dinner, and decided we needed to venture out and eat somewhere new.

I had heard one of the playgroup mom's - a super cool one - mention a fun pizza joint that her kids love. Later, when I was looking through the mail, I came across a coupon for that fun pizza joint. You don't have to give me any more signs... it was decided, we we're out for a night on the town.

I called Robbie and said, "Get your behind home, we're goin' out!!"

Ok, so I don't have that much control, but lucky for us he was almost home and it wasn't even 6!

Loved this place. Cool and classy, yet still kid friendly. They even give the kids some pizza dough to play with and mold into whatever their hearts desire.

this guy was seriously showing off.
He tossed that pizza dough to be so large, it could have fed the entire Duggar family.

So yummmmmmmmy

Me and booga numero uno.

Booga numero dos.

That roll there is Taryn's creation from her pizza dough.
I had the show off guy put it in that big brick oven for a few minutes.

Oh, and I stumbled upon this guy the other night. He was hopping across our sidewalk.

I thought that was a tail.
Nope.

He left that little present behind.

a few more of Taryn's stories....and some interpretive dancing

2011-04-13T18:23:00.003-06:00

Taryn's story of "sleeeting udey"

2011-04-13T12:38:00.002-06:00

Spring Fever

2011-04-02T10:10:00.011-07:00

The weather the past few days here in Sparks has been heavenly!! It's put a spring in my step and an itch in my homemaking bone. The girls and I made a trip over to Michaels craft store and I immediately fell in love with their clearance section full of spring colored goodies.

See for yourself....

and it wouldn't be Easter without these treats.
-the bowl was filled with mini cadbury eggs, but they disappeared in less than a day... I won't name who devoured them, but I think they may have settled in my rear end-

We've been exploring all the different parks around here. So far we really like the one within walking distance.

this one is a different park close by the library...

you know how I feel about kites and things way high up in the air...
this picture makes my stomach jump.

I tried and tried to keep this one away from the wood chips...
then I gave up

Walking to "our" park.

Even Lexi wanted to soak in some rays

and when we aren't at the park, we're usually watching this....

which inspired us to be artistic with some chalk....

We are loving our big back patio!

Did you ever do this as a kid? We used to always outline ourselves and then color in what we were wearing.

Taryn keeps asking me when we are going back to Grandma's house, so we made a paper chain to count down the days....

She's still confused with how it works, but it was something to do :)

Unfortunately the clouds have come rolling in, but that makes for a cozy conference weekend :) I really want to take a drive over to Tahoe and check out the amazing scenery I keep hearing about. If it's not too rainy tomorrow, we just might make the trip!

oh... I couldn't leave you without sharing this...

I think Tenley has a thing for swings. ;)

Wanting a Worry Stick

2011-03-30T07:42:00.007-07:00

We come to earth to do one thing.

Have a body.

And of course to get this body we have to be born. Some of us are lucky enough to come into this world to a loving family with a Father and a Mother.

Some of those Father's and Mother's are ready... waiting... wanting...
Others are taken by surprise. All in all at some point or another we each have the desire to become one of them.

My sister is no exception.

As Robbie and I decided to start "trying" for baby number two, I found out my sister Lisa wanted to start for their number one. It was such a thrill to think of us sisters being pregnant together... having our kids grow up together... share all those fun and crazy child rearing moments together.

But Heavenly Father had a different plan in mind.

I feel selfish now thinking it took some time to get pregnant with Tenley. My sister has been going through the "trying" roller-coaster to say the least. It's all she wants. A baby of her own.

Yesterday I came across a few posts on some wonderful blogs that reminded me just how challenging and rewarding motherhood can be. Once that precious babe is starting to form, we are handed what my mom would call a "worry stick."

I've got two worry sticks, and my mom has four. Once you are given a worry stick, it is yours forever....
It all begins by worrying about your pregnancy. "Is the baby growing, am I drinking enough water, did I take my pre-natal."
Then it goes into kicking reassurance... "I wasn't paying attention to the baby moving, what if something's wrong!"
But it doesn't stop there... oh no, that's just the beginning. You worry about labor, then if the baby has all ten fingers and toes, then feedings, and sids. After awhile it turns into new worries... "Why isn't my baby sleeping through the night? What if she has an ear infection?" and so on and so forth.

You'd think you'd be done carrying the stick once the child leaves home, heads off to college, or gets married.
Wrong! Think again.
My mom has plenty of worries infested in her worry sticks. P-L-E-N-T-Y.

As of this moment, my worry stick's are somewhat easy to carry around. I get to keep my children at home safe beside me to nurture and love. My main worry is what the heck am I going to do with them today so we aren't completely bored, with a side of getting Taryn to eat, and making sure Tenley isn't eating choke-able items.

At times when I feel frustrated and begin to lose my patience I remember my sweet sister and just how much she'd give for these moments. She wants to feel nauseous and tired and completely drained in pregnancy. She wants to wake up at all hours of the night to hold a newborn babe and nurse them back to sleep.
She is begging for a worry stick.... and I am praying hard for her to get one soon.
Now, it's not like Lisa is this old maid and her time is limited. Time is on her side, but that does not make waiting any easier.

I love my sister and all the fun times we have had together. I love our similarities, and our differences. I love that we look so much alike. I know her babies will come soon. I know once they are here she will understand why she needed to wait and go through this period of time. Life is hard, life is unpredictable, but life is beautiful in every season.

I love you Lisa. I am here for you as we wait for your season of motherhood to begin.

Brett and Lisa summer of '09

Tenley turns O.N.E.

2011-03-27T19:52:00.014-07:00

I'm already feeling the guilt from not documenting each and every cute, funny, and priceless moment child number two has shared.

It was bound to happen... but man, I feel like a bad mama.

So... this milestone will not be forgotten!! Tenley is now the ripe age of ONE! My baby... my booga... she's a year.

Let me fill you in on a few awesome traits of Tenley Jane.

- her grin. It's cheesy, it's crinkly, it will make any frown turn upside down.

- she is the fastest crawler in the wild wild west.

- spunky... that would be the one word I'd choose to sum up her personality.
The girl is spunkerific!

- she has awesome hair. It's grown in even, it's fun and fluffy, and it's going to be bright blonde once the sun gets some rays on it.

- her toes. They are still those same goofy grandpa toes she came from heaven with... and let me tell ya, they look hil-ar-i-ous in sandals.

- eating is her all time favorite thing to do. So opposite of my other child. She will down a piece of toast, an entire banana, some cereal, and juice... just for breakfast.

- she loves the bottle. I nursed her up until a few months ago, then she decided the bottle was a quicker and (I'm sure) more fulfilling meal. Another new love my first born was never fond of.

- she isn't afraid of making a mess. Whether it's with food, toys, my jewelry, or all of the dvd's.

I got her this book for her birthday because I thought the monkey looked like her!

- she is adventurous and wants to explore everything around her, but still get's nervous if I'm not in sight.

- she absolutely LOVES her big sister. If Taryn laughs, she laughs... if Taryn's crying, she's starts too. One of my favorite things is seeing these two get so excited to see each other every single morning.

- she is a social butterfly. She will make sure she's noticed and can keep an entire room (or wedding party) entertained.

- she loves to flirt, and does with Daddy all the time.

Even though my girls look a lot a like, they definitely have their very own personalities. I am loving this adventurous, flirty, giggly, spunky gal of mine! She makes me laugh every day and keeps life fun and simple. I am so grateful to wake up to her gap toothed smile every morning. She keeps me on my toes, and even though she likes being on the go, she still has her snuggle moments.
I wouldn't trade those moments for the world.

...As for the Reno celebration....

We headed out to The Wild Island Adventure Park here in Sparks to have some fun and celebrate last Monday night. Next time we will have to bring some friends, but the girls loved climbing around and throwing balls around in the "High Ballocity"

Lucky for us there weren't too many kids so we had lots of room to play.

The next day was her actually birthday and Taryn insisted we make her a birthday cake. Luckily she settled for funfetti cupcakes. :)

What began like this...

ended like this...

told ya she could eat.

Taryn wanted to help document the event.

short, sweet, and to the point :)

A big hit has been the present from Grandma Go-go. The girls love this crazy ball popin' machine.

and I'm sure glad I stumbled upon this while visiting my happy place...

Target.

I'm sure she will be walking in no time, but I'm in no rush. Luckily she hasn't quite figured out how to push this walker around yet. She's more interested in the fun gimmicks on the front.

All in all we had a fun time celebrating Tenley's first birthday. I feel like I just posted her birth story! She sure knows how to make an entrance. :)

LOVE YOU SWEET TENLEY!!!