Monday, April 9, 2012

a very special birthday

I took a break.
A break from worrying, a break from thinking anything hospital related, a break from the word cancer, and a break from blogging.

It's strange to explain the feeling of being "done."  That first week was really hard for me.  The immediate fear of the dreaded word relapse sets in, epsecially when so many of our other cancer fighting friends have had it happen to them recently. 

So for my sanity and anxiety...
I needed a break.

Now that a month has passed since we waved goodbye to our room in ICS, I feel like we are finding our normal once again.

So many things I want to write about.  To tell you all...
Moving into our new house
Robbie losing his job, which has been a huge blessing
My ever growing belly and the two babes that fill it
The special second birthday of a very special girl
The love note that came home in Taryn's backpack from the boy she talks about often
The peachy fuzz that is coming in soft and blonde on Tenley's little head.
The trip we had to St. George and the crazy weather that came with it.
Our Easter... the first holiday I was back to being the Mom I love to be, doing it all the way I love to do.
Let's start with Tenley turning the ripe age of two.

I had been looking forward to this day for quite some time.    After learning Tenley would only need 4 rounds of chemotherapy, I figured out the time frame in my mind that we could be done right around her birthday, March 22nd.  Keeping that as an end date in mind made it somewhat easier.    Knowing we could celebrate so much once it was here.

As much as I wanted to make this party over the top, I have come to learn that the best part of celebrating is having those you love surround you.  So when panic set in the day of the party because I didn't have everything planned out and ready the way I had envisioned it, I had to remind myself that those things didn't matter.  Tenley was here and healthy and happy.  That is what we were celebrating.

We went with the Tangled theme.  That was her favorite movie for quite some time... she still loves it and after watching it over and over and over again in the hospital, we all have the show memorized.  I have to say the lantern song will always have a special meaning to Tenley and I.  At last we are seeing the light and the foggy days have lifted :)

This new place of ours has me so excited for get togethers.  We have a fun covered deck right off of our kitchen and a huge backyard and cement patio for the kids to play with bikes, scooters, chalk, or run around naked if they wanted to.  It's all there... fenced in and ready to have memories made!  This party was the perfect test for it all.  I'm so bummed I didn't take more pictures of everything.  I hung paper lanterns all around the deck from sparkly starry tinsel.  Robbie and Amy draped colorful crepe paper that ran above our heads.  And the food table was ready for feasting with the first BBQing of the season to take place.  Balloons were out, music was playing, banners were hung, oh and of course we had every repunzel doll and trinket set out as decor.

It was perfect, and having this sweet girl of ours home and running around with the other kids was priceless.

I'm amazed with how much she really has grown over these past few months. 
She is still the crack up at our house, always finding ways to make us laugh and keeping us entertained.

Some of her favorite things right now:
Taryn.  She loves her big sister.
Snuggling.  She'll cuddle into you and rest her head in the crook of your neck and say, "oooooooh."
Eating.  Yup, even through all the ups and downs of chemo, her appetite is here to stay.
Singing.  Her favorite song is called shoes.  She sings the word shoes over and over again.
Shoes.  Maybe this is why she sings about them!  Yep, this girl is mine, she looooooves shoes!
Justin Biebers song "Baby."  She loves singing baby baby baby in the car.
Playing outside.  She is always wanting to go out in the backyard and says, "side!" and wants to do everything independently once she's out there.
Licking her lips.  Well, more like just sticking her toungue out from side to side.  She does it whenever she is busy, or happy, or just being silly.
Making messes.  We have a play room in our new place, and when Tenley is playing in there... you can count on a huge mess being made.
Sleeping in a big girl bed.  The girls have a bunk bed and just this week we started having Tenley sleep on the bottom bunk.  So far we've only had one night of late night jibber jabbering (all started by Tenley being naughty and getting out of bed while Taryn strictly told her over and over again... No Tenley!  GO TO SLEEP!)
Being the center of attention.  This is something we will have to work on.  Two babies coming home and staying is really going to throw her off guard.

Her favorite words are...
Scuse You! (excuse you)
Bless you
Nama (grandma)
Taya (Taryn)
Cece (Lexi)
Meemee (Amy)
Cesa (Lisa)
Side (outside)
She nods her head and makes her eyes huge for Yes.
and her famous.... What's that?!

I am so grateful for this girl and all that she has taught me over these past two years.  I absolutely love her personality and the way she makes me laugh every day.  Seeing that personality rise again makes me sad to think it had been lost and buried for a period of time.  I didn't even realize it had so much at the time, but once it came back... It made sense looking back in the weeks cancer was a part of her body.  I never want to lose that personality or any part of her to that disease again. 

Enjoy being two my little one.  You deserve happy days filled with love and giggles and all that a two year old desires.