Wednesday, November 30, 2011

our new routine

Have you been wondering what we have been up to?  
Well... for starters, we live indoors.  Not much escaping this house... which I like, but it also gets pretty boring.  

This last weekend was great.  Robbie came to town!!  The moment he saw Tenley was priceless.  He hadn't seen this girl of his for while.  A lot has changed since he left.  Last time he was with her she had blonde pigtails, was living at the hospital, and pretty much was at her very worst the day he left.  So to see the changes in person was a tender moment.

Thanksgiving was easy going.  Just our family of four, my mom, and my sister Amy.  We did something totally foreign and ordered our dinner through Harmons.
Yep, that happened.

Note to self (and mom) - never ever do it again.

I guess it was fitting for our circumstances.  We tried our very best not to complain because on Thanksgiving complaints aren't really allowed... that would be like an oxymoron or something.  
Really what mattered was that we were together, in a warm house, enjoying each other, and the blessings we have.

Now - being home, you'd think it was this big break. Well, mostly it is, but there is also a lot to remember and keep up on.  After having home health come the first 2 nights, I was on my own.  Not completely, I definitely made phone calls to make sure I was doing everything right, but it was me... all up to me to get Tenley's meds going.

Taryn wearing the backpack with Tenley's TPN and helping Tenley walk with her cords

Here's what our schedule looks like:

6am  2pm  10pm - antibiotic flush.  This means I have to clean one of her lumens (one end out of the two lines that are part of her broviac central line going straight into her heart) with an alcohol wipe for 15 seconds, then it dries for 15 seconds.  Then I push a saline solution into it to make sure it's all clear and ready... then the antibiotic goes in very slowly.  I push 1/2 cc every 30 seconds, about 5 cc's worth.  Then I flush it once more with another saline syringe, clamp it off, and we are good.

At night starting around 7, I start getting her TPN and lipids ready.  These are bags of liquid nutrition that run 12 straight hours.  The TPN I usually pull out of the fridge around 5 so it isn't so cold.  Prepping all of this takes a lot of concentration... for me at least.  I have to add vials of vitamins to the main bag, using a syringe with a big needle.  After adding that, I get the lines ready and have to prime them with the liquid running through them.  This means I get two machines to hook the lines into, then go through the program on the machines making sure they are set right and after priming them I have to clean Tenley's lumen and hook it all up.  I'd say only half of the time I get it completely right the first time.  Usually there is some sorta kink, air bubble, or just something not working right...

(see I am seriously concentrating, and Amy has become my assistant... oh and Tenley fell sound asleep this night while I was getting her all hooked up.  Normally that doesn't happen)

THANKFULLY Tenley started eating enough that we were able to stop doing this 2 nights ago!  

So now I don't have to worry about cords, beeping machines, and wondering if I am doing it all right!  

But oh how I miss our old bedtime routine.
Bedtime... oh man, bedtime used to be so easy for us.  We did baths, jammies, and once 7:30 rolled around, all it took to get Tenley to sleep was a warm bottle of milk and some rocking.
That was it.
Nigh Night.

Now, we have no routine whatsoever.  None.  Nada.

It is survival mode with sleep here.  There is no certain bedtime.  10:00pm, 1:00am, 12:45am, 9:00pm.  It doesn't seem to matter.
Some nights I'm rocking Tenley for what seems like 2 hours.  Others she has ended up in a twin bed with me.  Last night was a dream come true.... Since she isn't hooked up to the machines, I don't worry so much to just let her have a little fit and cry it out.  I got her in bed before 11 and after rocking her and giving her a bottle (yes, she is liking them again!) I put her in the crib and after only 10 minutes she was asleep.  Then I heard her cry for a minute around 4 am.  Next thing I knew it was 8:45.  Taryn and I slept together in my mom's bed.  I was the first one up.  The FIRST ONE!  Yes, I did push the dismiss button on the 6 am alarm for her antibiotic, but a few hours late wasn't going to be the end of us!  We needed sleeeeeep!

I feel like we are finally starting to get back on somewhat of a schedule.  Maybe.  At least until we start this next round and go through it all over again.  Tomorrow we have labs drawn and will find out what her counts are.  If her ANC (the main overall white blood count) is up to 500 we will go in Friday morning for a Bone Marrow aspiration, as well as a Lumbar Puncture.  This will help them to see how well the chemo worked.  The goal is to see her in "remission."  Then the next few rounds of chemo will be to keep it all away for good.

I am crazy insanely over the top worried about the results these tests will bring.  I sooooo badly want them to bring good news.  I want that dang cancer to be dead!  Killed off!  I know all of your prayers make the world of difference...
So I am asking you to each say a prayer that we will have good news.  That this process is working and the cancer is being killed off.  I know having faith is key.  I need all of yours.

My batteries have slowly been recharged being at home.  I'm still not sure when we will be admitted to start phase 2, but I know it will be soon.  Prayers are what keep us going...

So when you begin your bedtime routine and say your prayers,  please keep my Tenley a part of them.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Faith of a Child

Matthew chapter 18
At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

We are told multiple times to become as little children in the scriptures.  It is obvious that children have unwavering faith.  They don't question the why's and how's of the world.  They live simply, and follow what their hearts tell them.

A sweet girl I know named Lilly is the perfect example of this simple and unwavering faith.  Lilly is the little sister of my sister Amy's friend Adelide.  She is thirteen years old, autistic, and has the most vibrant personality of anyone I've ever met...  Through the last few years my family has grown to know and love Lilly's family.  Her mom, Sara, is one in a million.  I would describe her as the salt of the earth... she is warm, nurturing, kind hearted, and beautiful.  She is also one of the best cooks I know!  There have been numerous occasions when I hear Amy saying what an amazing breakfast, lunch, or meal she's had in their home.  

Lilly loves her mom's cooking as well.  

This last week in her young women's group, they challenged the girls to fast for someone.  Lilly had never fasted before, but she wanted to for my little Tenley.

Friday morning she got up to go to school, and before she left, she and her mom said a prayer for Tenley.  She left not having any breakfast... and when Sara picked her up that afternoon she was happy to report she had made it all through school without eating anything, and had kept a prayer in her heart remembering Tenley.

After school they went to Costco.  Now of course Costco is the place for food samples galore.  As they walked through the store, Lilly told her mom she wasn't feeling so good.  Sara told her it was ok for her to eat something.... that she had fasted long enough and Heavenly Father knew what was in her heart, but Lilly was determined to make it 24 hours.
She told her mom she felt weak and thought it would be best if she sat in the cart.  So as they made their way through Costco, she sat in the cart and closed her eyes so she wouldn't feel tempted by all the samples of food.

Lilly made it the whole 24 hours.

The next morning was Saturday.  The morning that brought me unexpected joy...  You see, the doctors who have watched over Tenley had already made up their minds that she would not be ready to go home for her first break.  None of them were prepared to send us away, but somehow Tenley's counts made their way up, just barely enough to change one of their minds.  Dr. Lemmon, who is the head doctor of the Oncology department made that decision.  He as well as a few other doctors came in to deliver that news.  I could hear the confidence in his voice as he said Tenley was well enough to leave the hospital.  The other doctors kind of raised their eyebrows as to say... surprise!    

After hearing about Lilly and her determination to fast... even though it was hard for her, I am positive this miracle came because of her.  Who's to say her faith wasn't strong enough to do so? 
I believe it was.

On Sunday we were discharged, and Lilly was brave enough to stand in sacrament to bear her testimony, a strengthened and humbled testimony.  It was another hard thing for her to do.  She is shy and has a hard time talking in front of a crowd, but she told everyone about the miracle she was a part of.  That because she chose to fast and stayed strong, Tenley was able to go home.

It brings tears to my eyes to tell this story.  I truly believe that she changed our course.  It has been such a happy time at home, surrounded by family, and being here all together.  I can't even describe how thankful I am for her unwavering faith.  
She will forever be a part of the miracles we have been blessed with through this journey. 

Lilly, this thanksgiving I am especially thankful for you. 

Adelide    -    Lilly    -   Sara

Monday, November 21, 2011


Yes... it is true!  We are free from the hospital! (for a few days at least) I can't even put into words how thrilled it made me when they gave us the unexpected news Saturday morning.  I was planning on staying for at least another week.
Tenley and I slept in (after going to bed late) until 9am.  As soon as we got up, the doctors came in and delivered this exciting new!  I was so disheveled... leftover makeup smeared on my face, an Olympus baseball Tshirt and pj bottoms on, and a really bad puffy polygamist looking braid.

But who the heck cares cause WE ARE GOING HOME!

I hopped up and down with Tenley in my arms and she squealed with delight!  From that moment on, I swear she knew what was going on.  No one could rain on our parade!  That evening I took down all the decorations, pictures, and banners in her room.  As I did so I thought, this could be a bad idea... what if they change their minds and tomorrow they say, uh nevermind!  I was on pins and needles waiting for the official go ahead. 

Sunday morning we woke up, watched a couple of movies while she received platelets, and an antibiotic. After changing her lumens, and going through the requirements of home rules, we were free to leave!  My aunt and uncle came to help with the last load of clothes and such.  I couldn't believe we were really leaving and saying goodbye to round one!  I don't think I could have stopped smiling if I wanted to.  
After getting a couple of insanely expensive meds at the pharmacy we  walked outside to get into the car. We were outside!  OUTSIDE!!!  Then we were riding in the car!  RIDING IN THE CAR!!! Then the best moment of all was walking into my parents house and hearing Taryn run from the hallway screaming... "TENLEY! TENLEY!!  TENLEY!!!!!"

It was like Christmas morning for them to be together.  Tenley's face was pure joy.  It took her a few minutes to let me put her down, but after realizing I wasn't leaving she was so happy to take some wobbly steps and let Taryn overload her with love and trinkets.

Ready in her "going home" outfit.  

Can you tell I'm super excited!!!  
I've been wearing this same outfit for two days!

We made it outside...

Taryn couldn't wait to put "jewelry's" on her


This was today... skyping Daddy while he is at work.  
Tenley kissed him through the computer about 100 times.
She was so excited to see him saying DADA! over and over!

Snuggling on this chilly winter day, watching shows, and Grandma set up the tree.
Could life be any better at this point?!

The only drama we've had was last night getting everything set up...  A separate delivery man brought all the medication, antibiotics, TPN (liquid nutrition), syringes, lines, more syringes, and just what seemed like a boat load of medical stuff.  
It was overwhelming to say the least.

Luckily, about 30 minutes later the home health care nurse came and we walked through everything together.  Most of it was very familiar to me since I've seen how the nurses flush Tenley's lines over and over again.  I can't believe how much medical info I've been able to pick up in just one month.  

I was insanely nervous about doing this all on my own, and of course after the nurse got everything running and had left, one of the pumps started beeping.  
Oh great.  (ok, that was not my real wording)

Tenley had just fallen asleep and now I have to figure out what this beeping means... Code Error 099/45/09415190 - or something like that is what it said.
Really???  W.T.F.

So, I gave the nurse (Dave) a call and he too was stumped.  
Double great.
After he called the pharmacy, they ordered a new pump and ordered the delivery guy come back over.  

In the meantime... Kim (you know, my other half) was getting a bajillion missed calls from Taryn.  She was calling her repeatedly on my phone and on one message Taryn said, hello... hello.  uh hello Kim?  lalalaaa la laaa lalalaaa.... followed by My mom saying in the background in a crying voice, "they said her body isn't.." click
After she tried calling me, my mom, and the house trying to figure out what this all meant, Taryn answered and just said, "my mom is talking to the doctor."  
You can imagine what crazy horrible thoughts were running through her mind!  
11:00 came and she was on my moms porch sobbing hysterically!  I almost lost her to a heart attack!  

Thankfully we were not that deep into trouble.  Just waiting for the delivery guy and nurse to show up so we could go to bed!  At 11:45 they showed up, got us switched and 5 minutes later they were gone and we were ready to hit the sack.  

AWE, can I just say how amazing it was to sleep 6 hours straight!  At 6 am I had to gice Tenley her antibiotic.  Through her line.  The line that runs straight to her heart.  Yeah, that thought freaks me out.  But I did it, and she was fine, and we went back to sleep until 9.

Today has been wonderful.  My girls love being together, entertaining each other, free to walk all over the house, eat together, and just be.  I love being with everyone.  Not driving back and forth from the hospital... not worrying about the schedule of who's with Tenley next, and what Taryn is doing, and having nurses and doctors in and out all day and night.  
Thankful seems like such a simple word to describe how I feel.  
Yet thankful I am for every minute home.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Sisters Forever

Taryn has been curious, yet so understanding of all this.  She gets that Tenley is sick and has to stay at the hospital.  She woke up one morning and coughed, then gasped and said, "Mom I need to wear one of those white masks so I don't get germs on Tenley!"
She understands more than I give her credit for.

My Mom told me one afternoon Taryn was pretty tired and in need of a nap, she took her in the girls room and rocked her, then said do you want to lay down in Grandma's bed?  Or Amy's bed?  Or this bed? All of which Taryn cried no...  Then she asked, Do you want to lay in Tenley's crib?
Her answer was Yes.

She laid in Tenley's crib and cried for 20 minutes.

These sisters are never really apart.  They are 3 years apart, but really they have never been apart.  They know life as being together.  Waking up together, eating together, riding in the car together.  All of which I took for granted.  Their world has changed dramatically, and I am so impressed with how well they both are taking it.

Taryn is having sooooo much fun playing with new and old friends, being spoiled by Grandma, getting her makeup done by Amy every morning, and basking in all the attention she is getting.
She eats it up.
But she is smart, and has emotions just like any other girl.  She misses her Tenley, and every now and then she has break downs just like the rest of us.

Monday morning was school.  I was at the hospital, and as my mom got her ready and was driving her to school, Taryn cried saying all she wanted to do was go the the "hostible" and see Tenley.
So what would any Grandma do?
Take her strait to see her sister.

I am so glad she did, because starting that day, Monday November 14th, there are no kids allowed to visit under the age of 14 at Primary's.  Luckily they got approval for this one last visit.  It was just me, Taryn, and Tenley hanging out watching Tinkerbelle, eating yogurt, and playing with toys.

I prayed that their visit would be a special one knowing it may be Taryn's last time there throughout Tenley's treatments.  Thankfully we will have our week long breaks in between treatments, and I am hoping by the time they allow young kids to visit this next spring, we will be done and out of there for good.  I hope.

It was a special visit indeed....

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Be Still

Dear little Tenley,

        Remember the last time we were together at the hospital? Almost 20 months ago?  I remember it like it was yesterday.  Especially our last night there.  I had the nurses take you to the nursery so I could get some sleep, but really I couldn't sleep.  I called and had them bring you back at 4 am.  The lights were glowing softly as I stared at your sweet face.  I smelled your little head of dark hair and talked to you quietly.  I listened to you breath. You were so sweet and perfect wrapped up tightly like a burrito, with your head rising up and down to the beat of my chest.
It was our little quiet time before going home the next morning.  

Now I sit here day after day cuddling you just the same.  These last few days it seems like your favorite thing to do is be still in my arms.  Resting at ease knowing the comfort of being held close by Mom.  I am so glad I can provide that comfort.  I wish I could just get inside you and take this all away.  I hold you just the same as those early days of your life.  You listening to my heart, and I listening to you breathing.  I find myself smelling your little head and missing your blonde hair.  A temporary reminder of what we are going through.

These be still moments are peaceful and therapeutic to me.  It is a break from the outside world.  Not many moms get the time to rock their babies as long as they want.  I have felt guilty in the past for not spending much time rocking you and putting you to bed at night.  I love that I can do that now, if anything... knowing that it makes you feel safe and comforted makes me want to do it all the time.  You are strong, you are brave, and you are a blessing to me every day.

We watched this together today, and every word in the song is exactly how I feel.  It made me cry, because it is so true. You'll be here in my heart.... always

I love you sweet girl.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Living the life of AML

AML: Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

That is what we are dealing with day to day.  Actually it is more like hour to hour.  The good and the bad are back and forth.

Yesterday for example... I spent the night and woke up with Tenley around 7:30.  We watched Mickey Mouse and tried eating some oatmeal, then tried applesauce.  Neither one she wanted. I could tell just by the way she was holding her mouth that she had mouth sores.  They go all the way down her throat.  One of the symptoms they told us to expect.
  BAD NEWS = 1 point

As the day progressed we heard good news.  Her ANC count was coming up, which means her white blood cells are making a comeback!  I sent everyone a text with this exciting news!  They are only at 100 (a normal count is between 1500-3000)  as soon as she gets to 500 it's bye bye hospital and vacation at Grandma's!
GOOD NEWS = 1 point

But.... don't hold your breath because good news doesn't last too long in hospital land.  The little broviac line has been giving us a hard time.  Last week it tore and had a small leak which had to be repaired immediately.  Well, that first repair didn't work, so they repaired it a second time... and guess what, that one didn't work either!  So finally at 1:30 am they had the I.V. team come along and fix it as well as place an IV in her hand (because each repair has to have 4 hours to set) and she had to get her chemo, so the hand IV was the only option.
That was last week... back to yesterday... that little line tore again.  In a new spot.  You can imagine my melt down as they had to take off the dressing that covers this line on her chest, and go through all the trouble of fixing it again.  Tenley is not a fan of lying still.  Especially for this deal.  There were two nurses plus me holding her down, while another nurse did the repair.  After getting it all taken care of, I held her tight and snuggled her while she was able to calm down and watched her favorite movie Tangled.
BAD NEWS = 1 point

Later that evening Tenley was in such a good mood playing with me.  She was walking around the room, looking out the window, coloring, and then we danced to some Christmas music.  That was her favorite.  I was feeling so relieved that she was happy, the line was fixed, and slowly her room was becoming more homey.  It even felt comforting to be in this little space we have made our own.

GOOD NEWS = 1 point

Well, like I said before... something was looming around the corner.  It was shift change for the nurses and for me too.  Brett (my brother-in-law) was coming to spend his first night on duty.  The new nurse was impossible to understand.  She was from Mexico and had the strongest accent.  As she was trying to tell me her plans for the night and what meds she'd be starting Tenley on, I felt confused and frustrated not knowing what she was saying.  All day we had been so careful with the newest repair on Tenley's line.  The only thing they pumped into it was her antibiotic.  Which was on a very slow flow.  All of the sudden this nurse was hooking a ton of things up that we were behind on, and I felt like it was all too much.  It was too many fluids making their way into this fragile line, which then goes into my even more fragile baby.
BAD NEWS = 1 point

You can guess what happened next.  Another leak.  The repair was no longer repaired.  I had left and was on my way home when this news came.  I had already thought that it wouldn't hold up, but gave that nurse the benefit of the doubt.  I don't know if it was really her fault, or just the repair itself... but I couldn't take it.  Not again.  Luckily Brett was up for the challenge to be Tenley's knight in shinning armor.  I debated going back up, but decided sleep was in need, and so was the attention of my four year old.  I was so angry with the nurses, for not fixing it right... for not being careful enough.  I called the charge nurse and told him my frustrations.  He said I.V. team would be fixing it as well as placing yet again another IV into her little hand.  He also said they would make sure to keep Tenley comfortable and give her medicine to keep her calm, but not totally sedated.  Wish I could be sedated!

BAD NEWS = 1 point  GOOD NEWS = 1 point for Brett :) 

Thankfully the I.V. team got it right and made it known that they should be called first everytime to fix these things.  OK - lesson learned.... I.V. team rules...  I picture them like this coming in....
they take their job seriously. 

So, today was uneventful.  Which is what I like.  We like boring.  Tenley was restful, cuddly, and of course cute as a button.  Her line is working, and for now the good news is outweighing the bad.  

GOOD NEWS = 1 point + 1 more for this video....

GOOD = 5
BAD = 4

Monday, November 7, 2011

Family of Four

This weekend had many ups and downs. Tenley finished her chemo treatments for round one on Saturday morning.

Ten days worth... we made it through with flying colors - and floating lights from Tangled!

Robbie also came back Friday afternoon, and that brought a lot of happy smiles from all his girls. My heart calms and my shoulders start to relax as soon as I see him. I know we have so much support from our own family members and many friends... but we are Mommy and Daddy. No one can replace that. To have him here with us makes life feel somewhat complete.

This weekend made me really miss our old life. The usual, pretty boring, day to day stay at home life. I miss waking up with both my girls and watching Disney Junior. I miss putting Tenley in her high chair and dumping cereal on her tray to keep her occupied for a few minutes. I miss figuring out what we should do that day to keep busy. I miss planning dinner...
Dinner for the 4 of us.

Now it rarely is just the 4 of us. Robbie and I are coming or going from the hospital, Taryn is playing with friends and neighbors (which she absolutely loves.) The hours quickly pass day by day, and before you know it another week has passed. Time feels strange. Days and nights no longer have a routine. It's almost like having a newborn again, just living hour by hour whether it's am or pm.

Yesterday was a teary day for me. Tenley was showing the normal expected signs that come along with this process. She had a fever, was very tired, didn't want to eat much, and had the sick eyes all mothers recognize.
Robbie spent the night Friday and Saturday, and he too noticed this change. We went out to dinner just the two of us Saturday night and it was nice to spend quality time with one another. Of course we talked about Tenley most of the night, but we were able to have a few laughs talking about Taryn and her silly personality, checking out the crowd around us, and staring at each other like, what the heck... is this real life?
I love him more than he knows.

By Sunday afternoon we were getting ready to say our "see ya later's." Before we headed back to the hospital, we decided to grab some lunch with Taryn. Just the three of us went to Wendy's. This cute older couple told me how darling my little girl was and it immediately made me tear up. Normally it's, "look how cute your girl's are." -Plural- I wanted to tell them how cute my other daughter is too... Then I went to grab a high chair without realizing I didn't need it.
My head was spinning. How can I sit here and eat. It just felt sad and lonely without Tenley there. My family of four was incomplete. I couldn't stop the tears.

We went to the hospital and Taryn played while Tenley sat on my lap and snuggled. Taryn thinks the hospital is pretty awesome. She loves going with the volunteers to the playroom and making crafts. So off she went to play... Robbie said his final goodbyes and his Mom left to take him to the airport.

I sat there with my baby rocking her. We turned down the lights and closed the blinds. As I sat there holding her and singing her primary songs I tried to finger through her hair that was sticky with medicine she had spit out earlier. At that point I felt her hair coming out more than it should.
Not now... not yet.
I'm not ready for this part. But this part is here. Her cute blonde hair is shedding more and more. I can't get myself to give in yet. Last week was so much easier seeing her acting happy... so much happier than she had been for weeks.
Now it is all too real.

I spent the night with her, held her close and prayed to keep this sweet spirit that has been constant in her room. It hasn't left, and it is a sacred one. I know that as these hard days come, Heavenly Father will stay by my side. I know he will bless my family of four and bond us together in a way only made possible through this experience.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Thankful for Guardian Angels

November 4th.
This is the second year we see this date and remember so much.
The leaves on the ground, the chill in the air, the ever changing autumn skies. They all remind me of this day.

It's a rare thing to see life's broader picture. I never knew my Dad's passing would or could ever make sense. He was so healthy, so young, so strong, my Dad. Why did he have to be taken away from our family here on earth?

Now I see a glimpse of why. Tenley is so young, so strong, and in a short time she will be healthy again. She has pieces of my Dad in her appearance as well as in her spirit. I see it. I know my Dad is with her constantly. If he was given the chance to stay here on earth, but in return could risk seeing Tenley leave it in two short years, there is no way he would take that risk. He wouldn't have given it a second thought.

It makes sense why she has been doing so well through her first round of chemo. Perfect sense. I'm not saying we will never have hard sick days, but I have peace in my heart knowing during those days she will have my Dad and other angels by her side. Helping her in ways only heaven can.

I will never forget the love, service, prayers, and fasting that were offered to me and my family two years ago. It is all too familiar as we go through it now. It warms my heart and I often think of this scripture as I have seen it come to life...

Mosiah 2:17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

I have seen the hand of God through so many. It is an amazing thing to see. I know as each of us face trials throughout this lifetime, through prayer and an open heart we can all see this beautiful act. It is a part of our plan being here on earth. He provides miracles through each of us as we listen to the spirit and follow it's promptings. Everyone at one time or another will face life changing trials, but through the atonement we can face them and come out stronger than ever. I know this to be true.

These words from Joseph Wirthlin describe it perfectly...
"The dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt... learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at one time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others... The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with years of rejoicing and gratitude."

As this month begins and we celebrate Thanksgiving, I find my heart ever so thankful for His plan. I know He oversee's everything and when we don't understand the why's and the heartache we face today, He does. He wants us to be happy, to find joy in this life.

Today I find joy in my guardian angel. The one who has sent us many miracles and blessings.
Thank you Dad.
I love you.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

PIctures are here....

I finally got my camera pictures downloaded! Most of my card was already filled of pictures from The Andelin family farm/Pumpkin Patch in Sparks, Gardner Village, Taryn dressed as the cutest Minnie Mouse, and my family showing our love for food at Cafe Rio.
All blog worthy events... and I want to get to them at some point.

but these pictures pull at my heartstrings and make me smile all at the same time.
very blog worthy pictures...
Our first day after being admitted into ICS at Primary Children's

messy hair from a crazy couple of nights....

This rocking chair is where we spend most of our time
(puffy eyes from a lot of tears...)


Seeing each other for the first time in a few days!!

Happy drinking a jamba juice...

Playing with her favorite things:
Aunt Lisa's quiet book and Daddy's ipad


Me and my Kim

The view from our room.

Sweet baby cheeks

One of my favorite moments thus far...
Sipping diet coke, eating french fries, and watching Tangled.
I love you my booga baby!
You make me so proud!!!