limbo land

ok so I guess I'll finally update this blog that I used to be so good at updating and sending little glimpses of my life through.

First off... I am cooked.

Literally COOKED!

I only have 10 more days until this baby HAS to come out and that feels like an eternity. I really can't picture there being an end to this pregnancy.

Every night I wonder...
" is my water finally going to break?"
" will I suddenly wake up with excruciating pain and frantically run around the house getting all our very organized and packed things to FINALLY take to the hospital?"
" will these contractions that are making me hot and dizzy continue?"
" am I EVER going to meet this baby that loves to give me heartburn, restless leg syndrome, crazy dreams, an achy back, and all the other joys that come with being 9 months pregnant?"


then I wake up a lot of times until morning approaches and yet again, we made it another night without having a baby.
Robbie is desperate too.
Pretty sure he thinks his wife is "over-cooked"

So far we have made false alarm jaunts to the hospital twice. 2 times... they have hooked me up and the results are real. I am having contractions. Regular every 3-5 minute contractions. But I guess that is not good enough, because they rejected us and said... go home.

But before we leave they shoot me up with morphine so I can get a good nights sleep before I really do have this baby - which they say could be any day! "Probably when the storm rolls in. Because the pressure change will most likely make your water break!"

no... no it didn't.

"Well you are dilated to a 3 and your cervix is soft and ripe - (why do they say it that way, what am I a banana??) so you probably won't make it another week."

ya, I've made it another week + some.

So doc... let's stop with the false hope and just say I'll see ya at your next appt. No more getting my hopes up. I mean, I know it's really great for the baby to stay inside the womb and all to continue to develop and fatten up... but for my sanity, she really needs to come out!!! Maybe I'm being a little selfish here, but I am 110% ready to meet this little girl, and hold her tiny bum, and smell her yummy smell, and kiss her fuzzy head.

I even had a dream about it all when I was doped up on morphine.

The Dream:
I waited until I was passing out during contractions to head into the hospital. They can't turn us away this time right! Well, after watching my progress they said, " you are still only a 3... we might be sending you back home..." Then I pass out as a really major BIG contraction comes. The next thing I know, I wake up and see that little table carrier holding my baby wrapped like a burrito with a head full of dark black hair. Robbie is standing over her crying as he sees me wake up and tells me I almost didn't make it. Then I reply... "they did a c-section didn't they."
He nods his head and I cry and cry like that was the most horrible news in the world...

then I really woke up and wondered where my hairy baby was. And for the record, if a c-section ever did happen, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't react that way... even though I'd be a bit bummed.

So... what have you learned from my rantings?

I'm living in limbo land waiting for this baby to come "any day now" and you should probably pray that she comes tonight so I don't loose my mind.
thanks...

goodnight