We are in remission!
Yup, REMISSION! I never knew that word could bring me such joy....
Yesterday we "checked in" to ICS ready to start round two. They really need like a concierge and some sort of baggage claim area... at least for us.
We had wagon after wagon loaded up with so much stuff. Most of it we had never even unpacked from the back of my mom's car. I figure we might as well make this room feel like home since we will be contained there for the next few weeks.
As we were unpacking and adding our glitz to the bare walls, one of the many docs came in to give us a run down of our plan for this round. After talking for a few minutes she said, "oh and I have some good news for ya! Tenley is in complete remission! Everything came back clear and there were no signs of any cancer!"
I couldn't believe the news! I wasn't expecting to hear about the bone marrow results until later this week. I didn't even know how to react... this means her body accepted the chemo and she is less likely to relapse. To me, this determined everything. From an outward appearance, I knew she was doing well and was obviously feeling great, but I was so worried about the clockwork inside and what was really happening to her body.
Now I know.
It is hard for me not to just expect the worst... and to assume this is just my course in life and the scary hard road is what I have to go down. It's been engraved into my mind ever since experiencing the loss of my Dad and how much bad news we received day by day.
Even through the many blessings and miracles, Satan still finds ways to drown our spirits and tries to make our worst nightmares come to life. And they will if we let him.
Not today. I was not going to let those thoughts overtake me. This time I am on the winning side, and I have full confidence that Tenley will continue to stay in remission and we will make it through these undertows that keep wanting to pull us down.
Last night after I got Tenley to sleep (at 10:30!!) I laid down, but felt so much emotion surging through me. I cried with an overwhelming gratitude to Heavenly Father thanking Him for answering my prayers and the many prayers of others. I felt astonished seeing them answered right before my eyes.
I cried because I read this and it made me miss Robbie more than ever. I wanted him to be here to hug me and share this exciting moment... knowing our baby was thriving and fighting, giving her all to conquer this demon.
I cried because I wanted all the hard parts to be in the past and to leave them there... I don't want them to resurface.
This time will be different though. This time I will have the reassurance that after the storm we will see the sunshine again. For this is just a short season and one that I am grateful for. Without it I would not feel His love so strong and pure. His spirit so close, at times I feel as if I am in Heaven.
I know I am being molded into the daughter He wants me to be... and one day I will tell Tenley the story of how she shaped me into the mother I could only dream of becoming.