Thursday, February 9, 2012

It's a winding road

Trials never go away.
They change as we age and enter new season's of life... but they never stop challenging us.

Today I sit and wonder why.
I wonder why Tenley got leukemia.  Is it something she would have been given no matter what?  Just one of the cards she picked in heaven?
I wonder why a strong little 6 year old girl would find the finish line of cancer, only to learn that not even one week later she'd be starting a brand new race through it?
I wonder why my sister who has a wonderful husband, a beautiful house, a room just waiting to be her babies.... why oh why can't her baby just be?

Life does not make sense sometimes.  

I do know this....

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." - Proverbs 3:5&6

A couple of months ago I went to a missionary homecoming.  He read this scripture and it clicked with me in a way I had never thought through before.
We cannot try to understand.  We cannot make sense of why things are the way they are.  As long as we acknowledge our father in heaven, our hearts will be softened and the confusion this earthly life brings will melt into faith that He knows our path.

I was utterly shocked to find out I was pregnant.  You can only imagine the greater shock that came with learning it was twins.  Immediately I went into anxiety mode.  Worrying about how in the world we will function with two babies.  Two car seats.  Two newborn mouths to feed.  Two sets of diapers.  Two wee ones to constantly worry about.  When will I ever sleep through the night again?  How will I ever find the time to give everyone the attention they need?  What in the world will we do to pay for all of this?

Only Heavenly Father knows our path and as long as we follow His word, the rest will fall into place.

If things in your life right now seem simple, kind of routine, and almost boring...
count your lucky stars and be grateful for those boring breaths.
I had them once not too long ago.

So as trials come and go, and we get to take a breath of fresh air every now and again.... never ever forget to give thanks to the one directing all of our paths.


Jacci said...

Thank you for that! I needed to hear that today! You continue to amaze me with your faith! We are praying for you. Please let me know if I can do anything for you! I don't live too far. I know you don't know me but I would love to help in anyway!

Natalie in Sparks said...

Awesome scripture and thoughts! It is humbling to think about our lives and the paths we are led down.
Hey, I am really excited for you to have twins! I completely understand all of your bewildered feelings -I was totally shocked when I found out I was having twins too - I don't think anything really prepares you for that news. Lets talk more about it soon - I would love to help you and cheer you on!

You and Rob truly are amazing, and the Lord is trusting these wonderful children in your care. He knew you could handle Tenley's cancer, and he knows you can handle twins. It will be hard, but so wonderful, I promise!
love you lots!

mccallrose said...

that was amazing and literally brought tears to my eyes. i love you so much and you dont know how many people look up to you, including me. your example is so phenomenal and touches everyone you come in contact with. thanks for all you do. and just so you know, i am taking care of those twins as much as i can. I am so excited to meet them. keep up the good work, you can do it!!!! I love you!

xoxo mccall

Alex said...

You probably don't remember me Shawna, but we went to high school together and I'm a grade younger than you. Yes, I have been stalking you and have been touched by your story and how strong you and your family are.
I probably had a different reaction than most people when I heard you guys are having twins. Seeing that I have twin 10 month old boys, I am excited for you. They are the biggest and best blessing I have ever had in my life! I just wanted to let you know that you can do it. I had so many people telling me how hard and terrible it would be, but it is the most amazing thing ever. I'm actually hoping that we will end up having another set! (crazy, I know)
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that if you have any questions or just need to talk to anyone that has twins, please feel free to ask. And if you don't, I promise I won't be offended!

Much Love,
Alex Dunn Davis