Saturday, November 12, 2011

Be Still

Dear little Tenley,

        Remember the last time we were together at the hospital? Almost 20 months ago?  I remember it like it was yesterday.  Especially our last night there.  I had the nurses take you to the nursery so I could get some sleep, but really I couldn't sleep.  I called and had them bring you back at 4 am.  The lights were glowing softly as I stared at your sweet face.  I smelled your little head of dark hair and talked to you quietly.  I listened to you breath. You were so sweet and perfect wrapped up tightly like a burrito, with your head rising up and down to the beat of my chest.
It was our little quiet time before going home the next morning.  

Now I sit here day after day cuddling you just the same.  These last few days it seems like your favorite thing to do is be still in my arms.  Resting at ease knowing the comfort of being held close by Mom.  I am so glad I can provide that comfort.  I wish I could just get inside you and take this all away.  I hold you just the same as those early days of your life.  You listening to my heart, and I listening to you breathing.  I find myself smelling your little head and missing your blonde hair.  A temporary reminder of what we are going through.

These be still moments are peaceful and therapeutic to me.  It is a break from the outside world.  Not many moms get the time to rock their babies as long as they want.  I have felt guilty in the past for not spending much time rocking you and putting you to bed at night.  I love that I can do that now, if anything... knowing that it makes you feel safe and comforted makes me want to do it all the time.  You are strong, you are brave, and you are a blessing to me every day.

We watched this together today, and every word in the song is exactly how I feel.  It made me cry, because it is so true. You'll be here in my heart.... always

I love you sweet girl.


ericksonslc said...

The still times is when the spirit is the stongest. Cherish them just like you are. You are both so strong. I love you!

Allison and Josh said...

Beautiful! You are an amazing mama. I hope I can be like you when my babies come along. Love you.

Mary said...

Dear Shawna and Tenley,

Phil Collins sings this song and he was Grandpa's favorite singer. I can't help but feel that Grandpa sent this song to you. I love you both and I would love to hold you Shawna in my arms and rock you and take all this away from you both.

All my love,

Anonymous said...

It's beautiful and absolutely perfect. I hope things are going well.

Jen and Jared said...

That's the song I sing to Jackson and have since he was a baby. It's the perfect song to communicate the love we feel as a mother, especially during those quiet moment. I cry every time I hear it.